New Year in 2011

So now is the time for New Year's Resolutions.  I guess this would be a great time to talk about some of mine.
* To lose some weight. I know, I know.... every year. But seriously - I have no excuse now. I'm not pregnant.. which brings me to the next resolution
* To not be pregnant in 2011. It will be the first year in several that I haven't been. It will be a lot easier to lose weight if I'm not "eating for 2 or 3"
* To finish my degree to be a principal. I'm 3 classes (2 of which are scheduled for the spring semester) and a practicum away from this goal.
* Once I lose weight - I'm going to be a better dresser, curl my hair, and wear makeup. (maybe....)


Those are "goals" ... resolutions. Things that can be broken and very well might be.  Here are some musts for 2011
* To be a good person. People support me. People support my family. We may not always be able to support people monetarily, but the gift of friendship is one that is free. I must be a good person. When I am gone - I want that legacy - she was a good person.
* To be a strong wife for my husband. By strong I mean... to love in times of stress and rejoice in times of non stress. We have a lot of stress. People without stress have marriages that do not last. I must not take him for granted and remember every day how wonderful he is.
* To be a mother my kids can respect. To kiss the boo boos. To help them learn right from wrong. To love them unconditionally. To balance all of their needs. To remember that if I don't meet every "want" at every time, it does not make me a bad mother - only a human one. To tell my kids I love them every single day. Every single day.
* To not give up the faith in Alexander.  To remember to work with him on holding his head, sitting, rolling, and eating. To not let life overwhelm me and allow Alexander's therapy to take a back seat.
* To not allow Alexander's needs to overtake our life.  All things need a balance.

*To push the fear away.  The honest truth is that within me is still a lot of fear of the future.  I try as hard as humanly possible to live in the moment.  To remember that anyone can be sick, etc... but the truth is - if I try to envision my life in 10 years I become almost paralyzed with fear .... because there is no picture of Alexander. Addison- I can picture her as a pre-teen... sassy. beautiful. headstrong. a reader. She might not turn out that exact way, but at least I can picture something. Andrew - I can picture him as a mini-Ray. Athletic (he already stops to line up his shot when kicking the ball)  Smart. Tough. a cooker (he loves to cook). Again... he may turn out totally different, but for now that is how I picture them based on their personalities. The truth is .... I don't know how to picture Alexander. Is he a walker? Is he in a wheelchair? Does he eat? Is he on a "blenderized diet?" Does he use his g-tube? Does he have head control? Does he speak? IF he does not speak, eat, or walk.... it is ok. Just look at my beautiful baby and you will know the most beautiful love there ever was. I just want to hold him and kiss him all day. But..... not knowing, not having even a glimpse - is so nerve wracking. Where are those crystal balls when you need one? I don't want to lose faith. I want to push him as much as he can be pushed. But hope can sometimes be a very fearful place.

 I would like to lose the fear in 2011.  I'm sure I will and 2011 is going to be a rockin' year!