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Letter for my Friend

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Saturday, January 1, 2011

Letter for my Friend

Pink has this great song called Conversations with my 13 year old self. It is a perfect song because she goes back and tells herself things as an adult... because 13 is that awkward difficult year. So.... I am having a "conversation" with my last night self.  You see - things here are so weird, that even our "normal" I sometimes forget how weird it is.  I have to work to become relaxed. As for Raymond - I heard him laugh last night like I haven't heard him laugh in awhile.  Our friends were just what we needed. Until the topic of babies and pregnancy came up.  Here is where I should maybe go back and slap my 2010 self.  People were very interested... did you nurse all your kids? The easy answer should have just been, "yes - for awhile."  In my defense - there were other follow up questions, but the reality was I shouldn't have confessed that I nursed Alexander... a baby with no suck reflex. And that I was so disappointed when I found out he hadn't been sucking that I yelled at the lactation consultant.  And this version of our conversations is edited to make me look good. hmmmm...... Until a friend who always whips me back to reality stepped in and said, "Stop scaring the guests"  :)  Which was great advice.  So..... now that I am completely sober... let me tell you what I should have said last night.  I'm posting this on my blog instead of in a personal e-mail because.... well - if you know me - you will know that my mouth runs before my brain sometimes and I might have to refer to this in the future. FYI - I was, am, and continue to be totally thrilled for her. totally. and told her that. I just sometimes don't realize how scary my life could look from the outside in.......

Dear Friend,
First and foremost - you are going to be a great mom!!! You are warm and loving and your husband is going to be an amazing father. Here are some things I should have said when we were talking.
It is ok to be scared about being pregnant. Really.  and.... I don't take it the wrong way if you were scared you would have a child with special needs.  BUT I can tell you this......almost all babies are healthy, full term babies. They come into this world naturally and they grow up completely healthy.  Almost all babies. The chances of you having a baby that would do anything but this is so slim.... but God never gives you more than you could handle.  If you believe that, then you will believe that however this baby comes, whatever this baby becomes.... it is because God chose you two to be together in his master plan. Sometimes people want a girl and get a boy - or vice versa.... I know this is not you - but I also know these people have to adjust their thinking.  And I know a ton of people who say, "I had all boys and God knew what he was doing because I don't know how I would have handled girls!"  The point is again.... please remember that God has given you the greatest miracle of all...... an unbelievable thing is happening..... and as we are close friends - it is probably overwhelming to see a baby struggle and wonder.... will my baby be healthy?  I believe the answer is yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. .......YES.   There is a reason things are  called RARE disorders - because they hardly ever occur.  And I took care of our entire county - so don't worry :)  But.... if you had a child who came out with blond hair and you envisioned dark hair, or was a girl and you envisioned a boy, or needed a little extra care in the beginning - it is because this is the baby that God chose for you. You will be the perfect match.  He doesn't make mistakes. I love you to death - and any questions you have... please come talk to me. I promise to keep the scary stuff to a minimum.
Enjoy being pregnant. You don't know how many times you will experience it - but .... it is such a unique privilege to be able to carry a baby while life is created. **Sidenote.... that used to be my favorite phrase to Raymond... When I was tired, I would just tell him, "I'm creating life over here and it is exhausting."  :)
Love from us

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At January 2, 2011 at 3:27 PM , Blogger Me and My Boys - Krista said...

I am probably not going to be able to read your blog's too touching and powerful! :) You're doing a great job!

At January 3, 2011 at 6:17 PM , Blogger melissa said...

I am thankful I have you as a friend and look forward to hearing all the pregnancy tips and advice I can get! You did not scare me at all! Looking forward to many more baby/ pregnancy chats.
I love the blog by the way!

At January 5, 2011 at 9:43 PM , Blogger Kisses4Kaylee said...

I have found that, since Kaylee, I have this overwhelming urge to offer unsolicited advice to pregnant friends about double-checking their doctors and getting copies of their tests, reports, etc. I am pretty good at not actually 'giving' the advice out loud, but after receiving the surprise diagnosis of Kaylee's syndrome-- even after having the tests that should have identified it in utero-- I suppose that I just want to save my friends from experiencing the anguish I did in the very beginning. It is so hard to be reassured that "everything is fine," and "there is nothing to worry about with regards to the health of the baby-- she is just small" as I was and then come to learn that she actually has a very rare but significant syndrome. I know that my friends who have since gotten pregnant look at me and my situation-- 2 daughters with uninherited conditions-- and worry that it could happen to them. I mean, it happened to me-- why wouldn't they be at risk, as well? It can make a difficult situation that much more challenging from an emotional perspective for everyone involved. Yet, I am sure that your friends will be able to always read your heart; and as scared as they may be-- especially when asked for the truth-- they should be reassured in knowing that they have you there to help them, support them, and love them...regardless of the baby that is born. xo


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