Funny Travels

It is no secret that Ray and I don’t exactly make the best “traveling” team. In order to make our 10 hour trip a little more comfortable, I began preparing for this trip last week.

Look closely - "Fo' Sale"  "Goat Party" ... These are the things you can enjoy when traveling.

I filled all our prescriptions, we took out books and dvd’s from the library, and I headed over to the dollar store to grab trinkets that could be used to bribe our children into listening. While checking out at the dollar store, I spotted this.

Seriously. Who trusts a home pregnancy test bought at the dollar tree? Really?

That is when I got the idea for this post. Traveling is so absurd…. like right now, we are less than 2 hours into the trip and I am going to need my third potty break. Do you know what Ray is going to say when I tell him I have to stop again? And yet…. the more my brain tries to say, “you can go longer than 45 minutes,” the more my bladder screams, “No you can’t!” So with 3 kids under 3, the longest drive in history – I figure we should be able to get some good material.

Imagine me on the top of this thing...

I must tell you – that for this trip I was the ultimate packer. I mean, if there was a contest to see who could cram the most things in the smallest amount of space – I seriously think I might win. All of our clothes were rolled into little sausages and stuffed into one suitcase. When we had the twins, we began this transition into “Parenthood.” We sold that big truck for a minivan. We bought one of those turtle things for the roof. And I can pack that thing within an inch of its holding capacity. At one point I was actually on the roof trying to shove junk in there. By the way – Ray is going kill me when he discovers the “essentials” I packed… Yup – my blender and scale. Otherwise, I’m going to come back 20lbs heavier!

I will say that with my laptop and cellphone handy AND the GPS … our traveling has been pretty uneventful. The worst of the trip was actually to pick up our fellow vacationers. Because they only live 20 minutes from us, I didn’t turn on the DVD player (essential for any long trip) or do anything on my computer. Instead Andrew and Addison shouted sang the “Bob the Builder” song at the top of their lungs. While trying to tune them out – what do I hear but “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio on the radio. Seriously Ray, who doesn’t love that song. Then – I can’t believe it – Bon Jovi! Of course this calls for a little air guitar. My husband called me out for being the “most annoying in the car.” Hmmmmm….

While driving, I’ve tried to have my camera ready. I have missed some awesome shots – like a picture of a giant roller skate. And by giant – I mean probably 15 ft tall. That would have been a great picture. Instead I did capture this little bit of “illegalness.” If you look closely at the bed of this truck, you will see – not only then teetering suitcases – but smashed in there… a person. See the top of her head? Going down route 95. As I snapped this photo, Ray started yelling at me, “Put down that camera! They could have a gun!” For those of you who are not from the east coast… sometimes this happens.

I was a little irritated I didn’t bring my camera inside when we stopped at this hole in the wall gas station. The sign in the bathroom read, “Cut the lights after your done.” (If you are wondering… that’s not quite correct), there were poker machines you could sit and play a spell if you so chose, and a blow up Mountain Dew man. I so needed my camera…..
I did have to bust out the traditional, “Stop playing ‘HiYah’ with your screwdrivers!” and “You are going to poke somebody’s eye out!” and “Please stop hitting your brother / sister with the hammers.” and “You really don’t need to color your ear with the crayon.” But, all in all – we survived. We made it…. like true troopers. We may never be able to get the kids inside the van again, but we are here!

Best hour of the trip. Just kidding... sort of...

Two final thoughts. Best. Invention. Ever. A plug car adapter… if you don’t own one – you need one. Recharges my laptop, recharges my cell phone, man – it powers everything!

And… I think I just ate my entire weight watchers allowance for the week. Let’s see… coffee, pancakes, Coke, Coke, Big Mac and French Fries, Coke, Peanut M and M’s, Quarter Pounder and French Fries (just to mix it up a bit), and – guess what? – a Coke. Oh – and topped off with a hot caramel Sunday with nuts. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to fit into the pair of shorts I brought along. *sigh* But, I’ve been a happy passenger.