I’m Not Going to Play Nice

I’m tired.
I’m tired of always waiting to post until I can see “what lesson can be learned.”
I’m tired of always trying to put things into perspective.
I’m not going to play nice tonight.

Mr. EMT.
Yeah – you.  The one who had control over my son’s life.  The one who came into the ambulance.  The one who told me I couldn’t ride in the helicopter again.
YOU SUCK.

Mr. EMT.
Yeah – I’m still talking to you.  The one who think’s he’s God.  You are NOT.  I know what my child needs.  I know how my child acts.  I know my child.  You just met us.  Take a minute and listen to me.
YOU SUCK.

Mr. EMT.
Yeah – I’m not done yet.  I was still talking to you when you took my baby away.  How did that make you feel?  Powerful?  In control?  Did you know I was rendered speechless?  Did you realize I was still explaining what Alexander would look like when he came out of a seizure?  I guess you didn’t hear my request for the E.R. to call when my baby arrived…. because they never got it.  You were probably too busy walking away from me.  You never even let me say goodbye.  You just turned – in the middle of my descriptions of Alexander – and walked away. 
YOU SUCK

Was it that terrible to hear a mom ask to ride in the helicopter?  Did you feel you needed to teach me a lesson?  Or did you just not want to hear my request?  Did you decide I wasn’t worth it?  Alexander wasn’t worth it?  What would have happened if you didn’t recognize his seizure?  What if something happened to him because you didn’t know about his: seizures, non reactive pupil due to a cataract, low muscle tone, mickey-button, small veins, blue hands/feet that are normal, etc.  Those are things you should know before you take him away.  You didn’t even know what medicine he needs to break a seizure.  And… thanks to you – neither did the ER. Did you know that I got to drive an hour and a half with that knowledge?  Does it bother you?

No. This isn’t a nice post that ends with … Well – everything happens for a reason at the end. 
I don’t care.
Maybe tomorrow – in the morning – I will have a different opinion of you … Mr. EMT.
I’ve never written something really bad about someone on my blog. But this is real life.

I can deal with the seizures.  I can deal with it all.  Because Alexander takes it all in stride.  I can learn from my son to be content with what I have and love people mercilessly.

But… Mr. EMT – you need to remember that every “case” you have – is or was someone’s baby.  Someone has entrusted you with a loved one.  Tread carefully…. because a little compassion can go a long way.

Thanks for all the prayers.  Alexander is amazing. He is strong and sleeping in the bed.  We are pulling an all nighter’.  Thanks for letting me be a little “real” on the blog.  So often I wait until my emotions don’t write the post – but tonight… I just had to get something out.