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Saturday, May 7, 2011

No one told me it would be this hard

To celebrate this birthday.  No one told me it would be hard to kiss my baby Happy Birthday.  My 9lb baby... that wears size 3 month clothing, and is turning 1 today.  We are having this huge celebration.  A celebration of LIFE! Because of the miracle that he is.  And a miracle he is.  But.... one year ago today, was the only day in Alexander's existence where I held him without that (even though it is sometimes slight) worry.  I didn't realize it would be so hard.... to celebrate that day.  Because 1 year ago tomorrow, we began to worry.  This morning, I held my baby... And he smelled like a newborn, and he cuddled like a newborn, and he was the size of a large newborn... and for a brief moment, I was back there - 1 year ago today.  I kissed every inch of his body, kisses made of love, from a new mother to the baby she just can't believe is in her life. I kissed him just as I did a year ago today. And, it took me right back there...to the delivery room, our room afterwards.... to the day before - the day that changed my world again.
Once again. I have no idea why I'm sharing this. I should be putting things on this blog about what an amazing party we are having and how everyone loves everyone. And we are having an amazing party.  And everyone does love everyone. And I am excited.
But the turning of age 1 is bittersweet.  Always bittersweet when you are a mom. But also bittersweet today. When my tiny baby is not - so - tiny but still a baby, but now also a year older. A Blessing - that no one told me it would be this hard.

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1 Comments:

At May 7, 2011 at 2:56 PM , Blogger Hilary said...

Happy 1st Birthday Sweet Alexander!!!

Kristen, I'm thinking of you and sending you love.

 

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