The Overexposure of Blogging…

I have this friend, in – real – life, who is also an amazing writer / blogger.  Her blog is one of those inspire me – make me look outside the box – and have a different perspective blogs.  She went through some life changes and decided to take down her blog for awhile.  I asked her the other day when I would be able to read her thoughts on life again – and her response was something totally unexpected.  “I don’t know.” 

What do you mean you don’t know?  You have this incredible gift! You need to write! So I can read it! You can’t stop! When I finally paused for air, she quietly explained her moral dilemma she was wrestling with.  You see, she and I are cut from the same cloth.  My actions are my own.  I claim them.  When I embarrass myself – I embarrass myself.  When I am sad, it is ok.  When I am happy… that is awesome.  If you are doing something you are ashamed of, then you should stop doing it.  Her concern was for her children.
“What if they grow up to be private people?”  “What if they resent all that I have shared about their lives?”  “Maybe I should start over and not use their real names.”  “Maybe I should stop.”


I was left utterly speechless.  Not only was my sister in crime bringing up some really valid points, they were things I honestly had never really thought about!  Yes, Ray is private, and we have had to come to some agreement about the blog.  Yes, truth be told… he is still not 100% sold on it.  He told me today I should just switch to a diary.  But, I never really thought about the idea the kids might not love the blog when they are older…. crap.  Now I’ve got to mull this over.

One of the first things I did was check other blogs.  How did they deal with these potential problems.  Some bloggers had rules where they didn’t talk about their kids.  (Well… that’s not going to work) Some bloggers had pretend or nicknames for their children. (Oops… Should’ve thought about this about 7 months ago.)  Some bloggers had rules against talking about their kids medical conditions. (Um… that’s the whole reason I ever started blogging… *sigh*)  I read and read – everyone had their own boundaries.  And I realized that their rules didn’t have to be my rules.  I read back over my blog…. what were the underlying things that might upset my children?  Through the eyes of someone who might become a private person… what might they not like?  I realized 2 things.

1.  Throughout the blog… no one could ever deny my love for my children.  Almost everyone I know likes to look at pictures from their childhood.  I really believe the kids will like to read about their adventures through our eyes as we live them.

2.  I write as if Alexander will never actually read this blog.  I know.  Those words are harsh.  It took a lot of soul searching to realize the truth in those words.  In the back of my  mind… that 15.32 is always there.  Sometimes influencing me in ways that I don’t even realize.  I believe in my heart that you will walk and eat, I pray that you will talk, and I know that you will understand words that are spoken to you.  But, as I read over these entries, I realize that I was writing as if it would someday be read to Alexander, not by him.  If he reads it himself, he would get the unedited version.  The fears, hopes, … the everything.  If he gets it read to him, it can be edited as it is spoken, so that he can feel the love and not the worries. (I guess you learn something new everyday.)

I will remain prayerful about the content placed here.  For the time being, I feel comfortable with what is written.  There are many many people who post pictures and stories about life on the internet.  I receive daily e-mails come from people who are connecting with the blog and … the selfish part of me still needs that.  To know that my feelings are not mine alone.  To know that my worries are not mine alone, and to know that our triumphs can be celebrated by others as well.  But – I will now re-read my posts with from a different perspective before I post it.  Will this cause my children to need therapy?
 
Last night was a late one.  As I prayed, I wrote… and wrote, and wrote.  I wrote letters – to Alexander, to Addison, to Andrew.  I wrote thoughts about work.  I wrote my prayerful heart out.  Over the next several days, I’m going to post them and link them back to this… where it all began.  So feel free to check in and read the words God placed in my heart and the explanations to my children about my love for them and this blog.  *Oh… and …. the (hopefully final) end to the go back to work saga. **
My Personal Confessions - HERE
Letter to Alexander - HERE