A One Year Anniversary

It has been almost a year.  2 days from now…. will be my blog’s one year anniversary. My little something for me.

It all started with a breakdown in an office room.  Like so many that have happened since.  One that nearly happened a few weeks ago.  I just needed something that could be all mine.

This blog has sort of taken a bit of a life of its own… but I’m still o.k. with that.

I remember when we first learned of Alexander’s diagnosis.  We wouldn’t tell anyone that he had WHS.  It wasn’t shame…. it was protection.  We didn’t want the “I’m sorry for you’s.”  We didn’t want people to Google all those horrible thing.  We didn’t want people to talk about us in whispered tones.  We actually wrote a letter to all of our family members and friends that told them not to call us or contact us – we just needed time.

Then I found the blogs.  Other mothers… writing.  Writing out their feelings.  Writing out their fears and everyday struggles. They also wrote about their triumphs.  It was private.  I could read… and no one would know.  I could learn and still be alone.  I still needed to be alone in this WHS world.  I read everyone’s story about when they found out.  I wanted to know how each and every person felt.  I looked at everyone’s pictures.  My baby looked perfect to me…. did theirs?  I looked at newborn photos, one month photos, …. I looked for milestones, for glimmers of hope.  I looked for understanding.  Because inside – I was still pretty devastated at how our life had changed on a dime.

December 23, 2010 was my first ever blog post.  My blog was originally going to be private because I was nervous.  I was worried about what my bosses would think of me writing on the internet.  I was worried that my students might find it. Parents of students might find it.  I was worried that my words might make me sound weak.  I worried it might make me look unprofessional.

 It didn’t take me long to realize that I was not ashamed of my feelings.  Everyone has them.  I wanted to help other parents the way people helped me… without even realizing it.

So, I’ve blogged. Through good times and bad.  Through seizures and milestones.  I’ve blogged about our family.  I’ve tried to remember that this WHS piece is only a piece of all the things that make us … US.

I’m really proud of what we’ve done here in the past year.

  
• I connected with a lot of WHS families.  Some of my favorite posts are ones of encouragement and understanding to other parents.
  
• I’ve learned to write about things totally unrelated to our crazy life.  And enjoy those moments.
  
• I’ve become very introspective on the things that impact our life.
  
• We’ve raised $14,000 to get Alexander a seizure dog.  And with seizures that last 5 or so hours, this blessing can’t come soon enough.
  
• We’ve had the opportunity to give some of our blessings away. (I don’t want to take away from those gifts by announcing them… they weren’t for recognition – merely for giving.)
  
• We’ve been the recipient of support.  So much support.  Prayers, prayers, and more prayers.
  
• We won an IPad – which has already made a difference in Alexander.  He is already gaining fine motor skills and becoming very vocal. (tonight, I was going to take him off the couch where he was watching TV with Andrew and Addison and he open mouth YELLED at me.  When I let him sit back down, he stopped yelling. YAY!!!!)
  
• I had the opportunity to travel to a book writing conference.
  
• We were picked up by BlogHer and have been given some exposure by their sponsorship.
  
• There is more.. I know there is more – but that’s all I have right now.

It is a pretty amazing list.  I’m pretty proud of that list.  It still is A Little Something for Me.  but… it is also a little something for a lot of people.  Our families to keep in touch.  Our friends to understand what we can’t always say.  The world to understand what life is really like.  Other parents of kids with WHS or any special need… of our realities.  I like this… Little Something.

So here are a few of my favorite posts of the last year.  Happy Blogaversary to me.
Letter for My Children
PSA
Prayer of a Special Needs Mother
A Year with a Newborn
Life Lesson # 3 – Rubbernecking is not Nice
Because of Easter
Letter to Alexander
15.32
Pure Joy
Letter to a New Mother
Effexor, Self Awareness, and Maturity saved my life.
The Unexpected Pregnancy
Who will Love me for Me?
I’m not going to play nice
Real World

A lot can change in a year. But, one thing remains…  I’m still beyond blessed to have all that God has given us. 



Thanks MamaKat and Shell for the inspiration

A Change in the Blog–the Post you MUST READ

We are blessed.  People continue to support us.  Through thick and through thin.  I just feel sort of amazed.

I know we are on some people’s regular prayer lists.  And when we ask… people pray for us.  They pray for our family.  They pray for Alexander when he needs it.  They pray for me when I need it.  They pray for all of us.

Alexander’s seizure dog was totally out of our reach.  We asked… and 2 months later we were able to apply for the dog.  Amazingly blessed.

It seems like his “issues” to keep him stable and moving forward are sometimes so great.  We have physical.  We have the seizures.  And then we have developmental.  And every time we turn around… there is support.

I have been contemplating this for awhile.  I came to a conclusion earlier this week – because of the generosity and example set by good friends – but I was hesitant to mention it until the contest for the IPad was over.  I didn’t want it to seem like a gimmick.


This is not a gimmick.  We will be starting some new things with the blog to help take care of Alexander and also give back to the community that has so many others in need of things.  Not everyone has the network of supporters we have.  We need to be thankful for what we have and must remember to be as generous to others as people have been to us.

Here is the plan:
1.  I am going to open spots for Sponsorship on the blog.  Lots of blogs do this.  You can have a button put on the side bar and we can discuss other options for sponsorship when we make arrangements.  Some businesses choose to give away an item to a random commenter.  Some businesses send an item for “review.”  Some businesses offer a percentage off to people who use a code.  There are hundreds of ways this blog can help a small business gain a little more traffic and new customers.  The charge will be $25.00 a month.  That is a little less than a dollar a day for sponsorship.

**We average about 7,000 visitors a month- average **

2.  All the money from the sponsorship will go into Alexander’s trust.  It currently sits at $35.00 because almost all the money raised went to pay for the seizure dog.  This way our family can begin to put specific money aside for Alexander’s needs.

3.  We will GIFT 10% of that money back into the Wolf Hirschhorn Community.  It is near and dear to our hearts.  There are so many people who need things.  Physical adaptations, technological adaptations, the list goes on and on.  Our family needs to begin to give back to a community that has supported us on this journey.

4.  Finally, If you have helped us in any way – Alexander’s auction donations, Bidding on Alexander’s auction, even voting for the IPad or spreading the word – this is an open invitation.  You are welcome to 1 month free sponsorship.  We would love to give something to your business as a thank you from our family.  We don’t know really how else to say we appreciate it.  Because we do… from the bottom of our heart. 

You have 2 weeks from this post to notify us that you would like to be on the list for sponsorship.  We need to plan out what businesses / blogs / etc. are sponsored each month.  We will want to spread them out so readers have a chance to look at each unique business individually.  We don’t want a month of 100 sponsors.  More like 10 months of 10 …

You can comment here and leave your e-mail address or e-mail me directly at alittlesomethingforme(at)yahoo(dot)com

We love you.  We appreciate you.  We want to give back.  This is the best way we know how.  All the proceeds from the sponsors will go for Alexander’s needs (except for the 10% for other kids with WHS) … so we can excuse ourselves from contests, etc – and maybe be the donors for others to get cool therapy equipment.  Giving feels good.  Changing a life feels good. 

When I opened up my cell phone and saw almost 100 shares of our post about voting for the competition, I cried.  I just couldn’t believe our family was once again on the receiving end of the generosity of people.  We want to do that for other people.  We need to do this for other people. 

Once again… Thank you. Love, Us

** Oh – don’t forget … tomorrow is Make Me Laugh Monday. ***

For those of you who have been following… I wonder what you think.

 What do you think when you put snippets of our life together?  I’ve been wondering this … because – I use my home Facebook page to keep people updated on our life.  The blog is more of an outlet, so sometimes I forget to update it when we are home or doing things.  I try not to exploit … but yet sometimes to explain.


I’ve also been thinking about other things… to do with the blog – but more on that next week.  For now, I would like to really tell you about the last few days.  In sequence, not by these random snippets as my emotions brim until they spill over the edge and onto the page.


Alexander had a seizure. Hmmmm… how many posts have started this way?





Anyway… Have you ever had one of those “perfect” days?  In class, I was completely fulfilled.  It was a day where my students and I connected.  Where I could see them excited to learn … and they didn’t even realize how many cool things they were learning.  And AMAZING teaching day.






Then I came home and ran my THIRD run!  WooHoo!  I actually remember enjoying the run.  I daydreamed.  I mentally blogged about the ideas that floated around in my head.  Step. Work Harder. Step. Give More than we Take. Step. Love my Family. Step. Enjoy the Quiet. Step. Embrace the Noise. Step. Slow Down. Step. Baby Boy. Step. Respect my Husband. Step. Kiss my kids… and on and on.

With each pounding of the pavement I could feel the stress release from my shoulders as I pushed aside the needs of everyone else and enjoyed the desires of my heart.


When I finally made it back for dinner, it was to smiling kids as we planned for our evening’s adventures.  My Grandma turned 83 and we were headed to an impromptu cake and ice cream party.  The kids were so excited.  I was excited too because Ray said I should get some real shoes before I gave myself shin splints.  Seriously… the shoe situation was pretty bad.




I ran into the shoe store.  Quick and simple.  … Quick and simple.  It should have been quick and simple.  Honestly – it is when everyone has their guard down that things seem to go awry. 

I came out and I could tell something was wrong.  Ray had Alexander out of his car seat.  When I looked in I could see.  Questions on the twins face.  Fake smiles on Ray’s lips.  He said, “I think he’s having a seizure. But it doesn’t look right.”  He was right.  Instead of the normal seizure – this one was only on Alexander’s left side.  His right side was completely responsive and alert.  We weren’t able to do anything in a parking lot – so we administered relief Diastat and loaded up to try to get to the house as fast as possible.  I sat timing Alexander’s seizure while we rode.  I called the Neurologist and we discussed our options once we got home.  Alexander’s seizure did break for a few minutes – but a new problem immerged.  He didn’t seem to have use of his left side.  His arm hung limp and his leg was in an odd position.  Everyone was thinking the same thing… stroke.

What a horrible thing to happen to someone so small.  We are making such progress! A stroke would just place more obstacles… not take them away. 

The ambulance was en-route – as was the helicopter – to take some of us to Hershey.  When the helicopter arrived we were greeted by 2 people.  One…inspired THIS POST about his behavior.    It was the closest I’ve ever been to calling someone “out” on the internet.  I was so angry as I drove to Hershey… so worried.  About my baby.

A CAT scan showed no stroke occurred.  Blood work was drawn.  Because Alexander has small veins, an arterial stick was used.  Not only is it incredibly dangerous, but it is also incredibly painful.  Alexander screamed as they drew this blood. 



Finally, with his seizures seemingly broken, we were admitted for observation because this last one was so different.  I once again – I convinced the doctors to allow me to watch him all night in order for us to have a private room.  Facebook became my friend.  My blog became my outlet.  The minute I released my anger over that insensitive EMT… my heart was open for the prayers that were offered up. 

I then posted the 3am reflection.  The smile of peace on a night changed in the blink of an eye.  Because isn’t life just a series of turns?  That happen in the blink of an eye? 

This morning, life returned to normal.  We were given an increase in medicine and discharge orders. 

So now what?   What do you do when you return home?  Your emotions so raw from the night’s activities and lack of sleep…

I called the EMT service.  I filed a formal complaint.  I told the director that it was irresponsible for that EMT to leave with my child and not all his medical history.  For my child to be unaccompanied for almost 2 hours without medical instructions.  I told the director that it was immoral for that EMT to take my child without even a hug or kiss goodbye.  Nothing. 

As I made this call… there was another realization that sat in just as deep.  That EMT may once again be in charge of my son’s life.  Am I making a mistake? 


I must push those fears aside for what is RIGHT.  I must help us return to normal. 
Twins and I play outside.
I try on my running shoes.
I Love my children.  All of them. 

So…. last night, when I returned home – I made the choice to continue with our IPad competition.  And trust me… competition is fierce.   I wondered if it was too much … to ask for prayers and then ask for votes.  And, I decided that we would either: say we were returning to life as normal and then do it… or we wouldn’t. 

I choose to do it.  However…. we have been very blessed by your prayers – which were necessary – those are what are important.  Above all else – the value of those relationships.  I wrote about that HERE.  I am writing this here in case you were following on Facebook or somewhere else and wonder, “how do they just go back? and pick up life like nothing happened?"  Because we have to.


We are still competing for the IPad.  - If you feel like voting for Alexander… he’s at the bottom… the cowboy. If you want to vote for another kid – that is cool too:  All the kids would benefit. We are personal friends with the Little Engine that Could and Super Girl.  We are internet friends with all of them.  And… the prisoner has been locked up for 24 years.  VOTE HERE


If you feel like sharing the link – share away. 
Down’s Syndrome is 1:600.  Alexander’s Syndrome is 1:50,000.  Spreading a little awareness goes a long way.



And now… I can feel relief.  We’ve helped raise awareness for Alexander’s syndrome, thanked everyone for their prayers and support, and explained all those “snippets” of life through my blog outlet. 



Thanks Shell.  You always deliver. 

The Best of This Week

Well, this week’s re-cap will be short and sweet.  It seems I didn’t write all that much this week.  That is ok.  I’ve had a lot on my mind, I’ve been reading a lot more blogs, and … I’ve been exploring some other things. 
(hint – more about that Monday).

Last Monday I started my first Make Me Laugh Monday Meme.  My bloggy Friend Jen – who never disappoints – participated.  (Did I mention that I love her?)  It is ok.  I think the idea is good, I’m going to go with it for awhile.  I posted a few pictures that I caught that I thought were funny.  Honestly – I think the funniest photo is the one I picked for the button.  That came from my stint as a crossing guard in the cold rain.  By the way – No lie… I LOVE Crossing Guard Duty.  We dance.. sing … it is fun.  Anyway – this day I came in looking like a drowned rat and asked my boss to take my picture so I could remember to be thankful for my classroom.  Classy.





On Wednesday, I wrote a post called The Shame of Type A for PYHO.  You see… Wolfhirschhorn.org is giving away a free i-pad in a contest.  It is really weird for me because I’m competing against people I call my greatest friends.  I’m having this huge internal struggle.  Part of me wants to pull out all the stops because I really believe this could be the Key to help Alexander connect so many dots.  There are so many things on this tiny piece of equipment can do to enhance the lives of Alexander and his friends.  The other part of me wants to remember our friends and remember to be grateful for all that we have.  I would do better if it was a contests against people I didn’t know.  This post was helping me to remember to value friendships over all else.
ps.   Voting Starts Monday – so pop in and vote for any cute kid you like. (Seriously … any kid. Because all of our children will benefit.)


Then on Thursday, I tried to answer one of Mama Kat’s writing prompts.  I chose the FAQ’s.  I really don’t know that people have actual questions for me … but we’ve been asked a lot of questions over the years.  I was going for funny but afraid it came across as snarky.  I’m still unsure how it did come off.  But… I’ve been feeling sort of raw ever since.

So … I’ve been:
1. Spending time with my kids.
2. Spending time with my husband.
3. Spending time with my friends.
4.  Not posting on blog / Facebook / or twitter (I think I needed a break).
5.  Mentally writing a post about manners, the value of friendship when kids are involved, persuasive post about health care fears (new calls, etc.) , and my newest challenge – which I can actually use to MAKE YOU LAUGH on MONDAY.    Check it out. 

Thanks for sticking around.

Make Me Laugh Monday

Today is the first edition of “Make Me Laugh Monday.”  FYI – If you have a better name for the Meme… then let me know – I’m open to suggestions.  But, for now, this is all I’ve got.

The concept is this.  You know those random photos you take when something strikes you as funny?



Like when you see the random guy walking without shoes like he thinks he is one Dual Survivor?  And you just have to snap his picture because what is up with him?  We are not in the wilderness and you are not Cody from that show.






Well…. this is the place for those photos.  You can:

Post a picture that strikes you as funny with no description.
Post a picture and story that strikes you as funny…. The story can be real or fictional.
Really… the only rule is – the picture should be yours.  Then link up here and grab the button to send your readers over to see everyone else’s. 

I envision this as an awesome way to start the week.

You really only need one photo – but I actually have a few this past week – so here goes:

Remember THIS POST?  About how I didn’t really fit in with the “cool kids?”  Well, I got a package from my twin mom friend Kristin this past week – and here’s what I pulled out. SCARVES!  I couldn’t stop laughing at such a funny and thoughtful gift.  FYI – the Camo one was so I wouldn’t forget my roots….

Yes, I live in hillbilly land.  IF I get signed with some big publishing company – I will have to find an excuse to wear my camo scarf so I can stay “grounded” in Pennsyltucky.

We are trying to teach the kids to be better communicators.











So what have you got?  Funny Photo.  Funny Photo and Story.  We will take them all.  Grab the button and link up.


<center><a href="”http://www.alittlesomethingforme.com”" target="”_blank”"><img border=”0″ alt=”A Little Something for ME” src=”<a href="http://s323.photobucket.com/albums/nn464/kstottlemyer/?action=view&current=classroom3-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i323.photobucket.com/albums/nn464/kstottlemyer/classroom3-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a> “/></a></center>   Honestly… I’m not sure that button will be the official one either. Although I am partial to my “crossing guard in the rain” photo….      

The Best of This Week

This past week has been nothing short of a rollercoaster.  So here goes…

Last Monday I wrote a picture heavy post about the twins birthday party.  The party was great.  It was a lot of fun and I’m really glad we allowed the twins to have those moments all about them.  Ray and I still struggle with how to make sure they feel special but not spoiled.  The only thing missing in the pictures was Alexander, because he was coming down with the cold that would once again snap me back to reality.

Wednesday’s post was very difficult for me to write.  Someday I want to sit down and tell the story of the twin’s birth.  I would like to record it for them as I did for Alexander.  I felt sure I would write that post for their birthday. … After many deleted paragraphs, I ended up just telling them how much I love them.  I will write their birth story a different day.  Instead, I told them how it feels like I blink and they grow months.  I’m just not quite ready to refer to them as children instead of toddlers.  And… they are still my babies.  But the post has a lot of pictures in it – so check out the twins – from birth to blog.

By the end of the night on Wednesday, I was exhausted.  I usually link up with Shell on Wednesdays, but this day I linked up twice!  Alexander cried for hours.  He never cries.  In my heart I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.  As it turned out –the next day we ended up at the doctor’s office and learned just how dangerous winter colds can be. 

On Thursday, I linked up with Mama Kat.  Her writing prompt was to show off Halloween pictures.  Not only did I post our Halloween photos, but I also linked to the Wolf Hirschhorn Site.  Tanner, one of Alexander’s best friends, has donated an IPad 2 for a member of our community to win.  The voting will go live on November 4th or 5th and WE will have a chance to win the IPad.  I’m so excited because of all those “apps” that could help Alexander.  There are things that will help him learn cause and effect.  We can upload pictures with sounds so he can do flash cards.  Of course, we want Alexander to talk, but he could actually “tell” us what he needs by hitting a picture until he is verbal.  The opportunities are endless.  Don’t worry, I plan to shamelessly ask for votes when the time comes, so you will all have a chance to help us win it. 

This past week was spirit week at school.  I wore an outfit that I thought would be “perfect” for the day…. but it turned out to a little too spirited.  On Friday, I outed myself and the ridiculousness of the day in this post.



We got 11 inches of snow here on Saturday.  Cooped in the house allowed me to be a little reflective on life.  I was also reflective on the split I continue to feel between what I feel compelled to do and what I need to do.  I’m still unsure if everyone feels that way? I hope the post came across as reflective and not unhappy.  Because I am very happy and very fulfilled.  I wish I could hire a “stunt double” to go to do all the “extra’s” sometimes…

One last thing.  This past week I revealed the newest plan for Mondays.  I plan to have a linkup for a lighthearted picture post.  Just a funny picture or a picture that has a funny story.  We have these moments all the time… and I’m sure you do too.  If you want to read more about it – check out HERE. 

The Best of this Week

(Actually, the best of the last 2 weeks… but we will get into that later.)

Almost 2 weeks ago, on Monday, I wrote A Lot of little things add up to one Great Long Weekend.  I was a very picture heavy post about our combined 4 day weekend with the kids.  We did a ton of activities – with them separately and together.  I remember going back to work on Tuesday thinking… if only we could bottle this happiness….


But, something happened our last “weekend evening” that prompted me to write the Therapy Fund post later that week.  Raymond constantly tells me that, “I am the only person on the planet to have so many …. ahem … things happen to them.” Your comments “outing” your own mishaps did wonders for my self esteem. So thanks!

In preparation for my writing conference this weekend, I’ve been trying to flex my writing skills a little.  I’ve been using Mama Kat’s writing  prompts and I was really having a difficult time listing things I should never ask my spouse.  So, instead – I made 3 lists.  I was pretty proud of how it turned out…. So you can check it out HERE.

 

On Friday, I did my last “Friday’s Confession Booth.”  As we all know, the classic over achiever – I want to do something that is awesome.  And, while I liked the confessions – and I know others did… I don’t think it was the right prompt or time.  Writing every Wednesday and Thursday made Fridays a bit of a chore.  I’m coming back with something a little different – and probably earlier in the week.  Anyway, this post was about how the appreciation of people for all my hard work makes me feel.  It was 100% honest and I think sometimes our society is so wrapped up in what people are doing wrong, they forget to look for the right. 


Then we took the kids camping over the weekend.  I had this whole post planned out.  20 reasons we were getting an R.V.  It was an entire post dedicated to the mishaps and misadventures of camping with two year old twins.  We came home on Sunday, and I found out a dear friend passed away.  The post was no longer the post in my heart.  So I shelved it, and wrote THIS POST instead…. the one that said, “I love you.”  Hopefully, someday – before I forget all the funny things – I will be able to write the original post.

After bearing my soul about her death, I still was not ready to write about our LIVES.  I was really struggling with what to go next…. And the kids provided.  I have been saying I would capture Alexander laughing for awhile and that video of the twins having a complete conversation over the hammering of tent pegs is hilarious.  I wanted to capture those moments and they helped me to rebound from the grief.  You can see the videos HERE.

I was a little … a lot scared to go to the writing conference.  I didn’t feel at all prepared AND I had these visions of people going on to my blog for the first time ever to see this post with 2 videos.  I decided to tackle my nerves as I have been everything else… by blogging them away in Going to BlogHer’s Writing Conference.


And Finally, home.  I had a few minutes to jot down my thoughts from the conference.  I had a blast.  I want to go back.  I still want to do this.  I love you all for supporting me.  Thank you…

So that is the last week (or two) in a nutshell.  Can’t wait to write about the Twin’s Birthday and other happenings this week.

I learned all I need to know

at BlogHer.
And I’m going to share with you all my newly found knowledge.
1.  I need a MacBook  like all the cool kids. Seriously… Ray – take notes for Christmas.
2.  I also need a small external hard drive for my 16,000 pictures that I keep on my hard drive.  Thank goodness I backed them up before I left because I had to delete all the pictures of the twin’s first year of life just so I could connect to the wi-fi.
3.  All serious writers/bloggers apparently wear a scarf.  I will need to look for a scarf so I can be taken seriously.
4.  I am way cooler than Ray thinks I am.
5.  I am not nearly as cool as I thought I was.
6.  I think I have a plan for how to lay out a real book.  Seriously… like a real plan.
7.  Writers apparently do not all become overwhelmingly rich like J. K. Rowling.  Crap.  I guess I will continue on my Powerball mission.
8.  I need to focus on building my “Platform” … seriously …. that was the word of the conference.
9.  Apparently I need to start tweeting and promoting my blog… and grow it a little.
10.  Above all else – good writing is king.
**  I need to not give up.  Sometimes obstacles are put in our way to see who really wants to get through the door.  I want to go through that door.  **

The speakers and mentors were so unbelievably helpful.  It was an awesome experience.



Also – My great friend Joanna arranged for me to have drivers take me into the city and back.  Big props to my 2 newest BFF’s – Gary and Rick.  When I hit the big time – they have already signed on to be my bodyguards/drivers.  And these guys were awesome. 




One final thought… It was so amazing to meet all these people that I’ve connected to online.  Not only in the blogging community, but also within my twin mom community.  Our lives are so rich because of the people who love us. 

              Oh – and it is great to be home. 
                                                              Andrew is learning how to take pictures like his momma.

Going to BlogHer Writer’s Conference

Oh the places we will go.

And the guilt that follows along.

I shouldn't be going to this conference.


The twins both have low-grade fevers. Alexander's probably going to get sick. The twins are having a big birthday party on Saturday. I just turned on the van and there is a warning light that popped up.  There is the very real possibility that I could leave Ray stranded with three children and no car. I feel selfish. 

But I can't stop myself. I really want to go. I really want to know if I'm any good. I really want to know if my blog could be a book. Or maybe I could write an inspirational book with all this pictures of the letters to my students. I can see it now… they laugh me out the door - I don't even know what book I want to write.


I don't have an elevator pitch done. I feel like a kid who signed up for the general class and got put in the AP course. I'm so over my head I have no plans, no pitches, etc.  I got my hair done.






That's what I’ve done to prepare for this blogger conference… got a new hairstyle.







I hope people don't laugh at me. I just want to know if I am any good.

Sometimes I tell my kids be careful chasing a rabbit down wormhole. I don't know if you understand what I mean… but - sometimes people get so sidetracked that they can't see the full picture. They end up going down a path they never intended to go down. And they spend hours upon hours chasing this rabbit – only to end up nowhere. I wonder if I'm chasing rabbit. If I should be focusing my energy on other things. I wonder if I'm making a mistake with this blog. A friend told me I should take a 90 day break from my blog and do P 90 X. (and get healthy…) Because I don't have time to do them both. 

I feel like my life is about “not enough time.”

Remember the hypothetical story?  Of the hypothetical anniversary that was almost ruined?  Well… this trip prompted the hypothetical fixing of that problem.  

                   

Here’s why I didn’t do it before… Ugh. The only thing that is the same is – I am still an organ donor.  Otherwise… I’ve transformed – from a hip twenty something girl – to a mom. *sigh*

That is the extent of my preparations for the conference.  Oh – and I picked up a car charger for my new IPhone.  They are going to laugh me all the way home.

Who will Love me for me?

This song is my song. This song is the song of my heart, my children, my students…


Here is the song.  You can find the lyrics at the bottom of the page, but for now – I’m going to explain how this song has become the song of my soul.

I believe in “late in life” marriage.  If asked honestly – I would tell you that I am fairly against teen marriage.  I would encourage people to sew a couple of wild oats and give themselves a chance to mature before settling down.  A teenager changes so much into early adulthood.  The process of maturing and “finding your real self” should be crossed without boundaries.  And then… when you know who you are – find someone who will Love You for You. 


What happens when a huge life changing even happens late in life?  What happens when your life is thrown off the tracks and your entire person changes?  Your priorities shift?  Your needs shift?  What is you were one person and… suddenly became someone else?  I’m thankful that Ray is along for the ride, but I can’t help but empathize with a man who married one woman and ended up married to someone else.  The birth of Alexander has sort of changed everything.  It changed me.  It has opened my heart to other priorities.  It has opened our lives in this blog.  Ray is a private man.  I am blogging our lives away.  Who will love me for me? The answer is still Ray – but the question is who am I?  Every time I think I know… the winds shift, another opportunity arises or drifts away, and me is different.  It would be so much easier if me was the old me.   Who am I now?  and then… Who will still love me for me?  Not for what I have done or who I will become?

This is the song of my children also.  Alexander… who has his own needs.  Who will love him for him?  Not for what he has done or what he will become?
Andrew… who is a “twin” and a year older than Alexander.  Who will see him for him?  Not for what he has done or what he will become….
Addison… the other half of Andrew.  The other “twin.”  Who will see her for her?  Not for what she has done or what she will become…

I believe this is the song of every mother to their children.  You worry… You want people to love your children for all those beautiful qualities that make them unique.  You want people to see them as individuals.  You want people to see your children for them…. Not for what they’ve become or what they will become.

And finally … this is my song for my students.  Here is the letter I wrote to them this week.

You don’t need to date someone to be someone.  Your qualities are not based on other’s perceptions of you.  Be yourself.  Give people a chance to love you for you… not for what you have done or who you will become…

I love that at the end of the song J.J.Heller reminds us that no matter what – God will love us for ourselves.  A beautiful message.
Here are the lyrics….
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please…
Could you send someone here who will love me?”
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed
And she says…
Who’ll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?

‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means
He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I…”
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
 
So what do you think of the song?  What is the “Song of your life?”  This was the question asked by Mama Kat.

So I won an Award.

It is kind of cool.  Its not like a Pulitzer or anything.  It is an award from one Blogger to Another.
A lot of people have awards out there….
Sometime I feel like awards are passed just from blogger to blogger – just to make someone “like” you.
I already like her – so I know its genuine. SCORE!

From Cookie's Chronicles

ps. I totally made the Award Picture Bigger. Because I’m so proud of it!

So – I thought I would share some of my Favorite September Posts:

Here goes…

The first blog I’m loving this September is by Meredith @ My Journey to Authenticity.  This post HERE is and example of why I love her.  She takes 10 reasons she wishes this week was over and… well – you’ll just have to head over and read. She has a great attitude. And I love it!

Next up is my friend in real life’s blog.  She had this amazing big blog – and then stepped away.  Took some time. Readjusted her priorities and restarted a new blog, Our Little Pond. AWESOMENESS.  She is so humble – and honestly…. my sounding board for so many things.  Want an example – read HERE and I guarantee you will fall totally in love with her. But she really shows her (and her husband’s) sense of humor HERE. And trust me, they would totally do this.

I also have this bloggy friend Jen @ Its all about me.  I love her and her blog. I wasn’t going to link this post HERE because it almost seems like self promotion.  She wrote it to one of my link ups.  But the thing is… she is a survivor.  And she blogs from her heart. And she inspires me … to deal with my circumstances, feel blessed in life, and remember that it is ok to sometimes still be angry (even at people.) So read her blog – or at least this post, because it is so heartfelt.

You know the friend you have that you aren’t supposed to have?  You know… the one who says all the things you wish you were cool enough to say. Well, that is Holly @ Not a Perfect Mom’s Blog.  She is so hilarious.  In that “I can’t believe you just said that.” sort of way.  And I wish we were real friends. Because she would make me cooler just by sitting next to me. See the post that almost made me pee my pants HERE.  Remember – I warned you – reading her stuff is my dirty little pleasure.

And finally – one of my newest blog obsessions has been over at Rock the Mini.  I love her post about living and blogging found HERE, but really I love the way she continues to blog even when it is something short and silly.  I need to start doing more of that and less of the huge blog posts.  Check out her funny attitude HERE.

There. 5 + great posts to read from the last month.  I also LOVE these bloggeresses… so if you are in the mood:
Sara @ Domestically Challenged
Awn @ Imperfection Personified
Jennie @ Fond of Blond
Helene @ I'm Living Proof that God Has a Sense of Humor
MaMe Musings
Have a great time reading.  Love this – and… by the way – I totally LOVE Cookie’s Chronicles.