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I Will Love You until You Hate Me… And that is just OK.

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Sunday, August 7, 2011

I Will Love You until You Hate Me… And that is just OK.

I am not your friend.  I repeat… I am not your friend.  I am your mother.  It is my parental right to make you upset, angry, and frustrated.  Because you are 3 and I am 33.  Period.  However, for the sake of all those who see us in public, I will explain my actions in clear and concise terms.

parenting cartoon
You can do anything, I repeat – Anything, and I will still love you.  That is what a parent does.  LOVES first.  There is NOTHING in this world that could shake my LOVE for you.  But I also have a responsibility to society to help you become a decent person.  To that end, there are only three rules that are strictly enforced around this house.

1.  You may not be DANGEROUS.  Dangerous – to put yourself or others in harm’s way.  That doesn’t mean you can’t ride a bike.  That means you can’t ride a bike in the center of a 4 lane highway.  You will be automatically punished. You may not be a danger to yourself or others.  You may not hit, throw objects, or physically attempt to maimed someone else.  You must do age appropriate things like hold a hand while in a parking lot or stay with us in a crowded place or not hang from the top of bunk beds.  These things are dangerous to you … and it doesn’t help for me to love you if I allow you to be constantly hurt.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to baby you and refuse to let you test boundaries and learn life lessons.  You may climb… but not 7 feet in the air.  You may walk independently, but not along a road.  When you are punished for a dangerous behavior, it will probably be an automatic and severe punishment.  Because I want to make a long lasting impression.  You should NEVER do this action again.  So, if you take off running into traffic, I would grab your arm, yell, “NO!” and give you a tap on the bottom.  You don’t have to like it.  That is the point.  I have a duty to keep you safe.  That gives me an obligation to make sure you never run into traffic again.

 You can hate me. I’m ok with it.  I love you that much.

2.  You may not be DISRESPECTFUL.  Disrespectful – when you show a lack of respect, are discourteous, or are rude.  Thou will not be rude to anyone.  This includes, but is not limited to, parents, siblings, teachers, elders, peers, parents of peers, family members, or pretty much anyone on the street.  You will treat every last person with respect.  It is biblical, (Matthew 25:40)  40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’   It is also just human.  It doesn’t matter what your opinion is, who tells you to do something, or what your similarities or differences are between a person – you will be respectful… as long as I have something to say about it.  You don’t have to like it.  That is the point.  I have a duty to help you become a decent human being.  That gives me an obligation to make sure you treat others with respect.

You can hate me.  I’m ok with it.  I love you that much.

3.  You may not be DISOBEDIENT.  Disobedient – when you do not follow the direction of me, Daddy, your grandparents, and any one who may be in charge of you that day.  There are so many reasons you must obey.  You need to obey because we want to keep you safe.  When I say, “Stay here.”  I need to know that you will indeed stay and not run into danger.  I need to know that you will listen to me.  There are 3 of you, with less than 2 years difference between you.  You need to obey your elders.  We also insist on obedience because we know what is best for you.  With all things, we have your best interests at heart.  We love you and want to help you live a long and happy life.  If you do not obey, you will be punished.  You don’t have to like it.  That is the point.  I have a duty to help you stay safe and realize boundaries exist.  That gives me an obligation to make sure you know what to do when someone gives you boundaries.

You can hate me.  I’m ok with it.  I love you that much.

pareting cartoon 2So much is said about parenting.  People talk about doing one thing and end up changing their behavior in public.  I took the twins to Krispy Kreme and they watched everyone else eat a doughnut.  No Lie.  Because they were disobedient in the hours leading up to our trip.  We weren’t going to spoil everyone’s evening – and they did get to eat their doughnut the next morning.  But they sat there and watched everyone else eat.  And I’m ok with it.  I don’t have to be their friend.  My job is to PARENT them into human beings that people enjoy spending time with.  We have used corporal punishment.  There I said it.  You can judge me as you will.  We also use time out, take toys, and refuse to let the kids partake in activities if they break one or more of the 3 cardinal rules.  Again… You can judge me.  It is ok.  I have some old fashioned values.  and It is ok.  In the end – I love my kids.

I’m not my kid’s friend.  I am their parent. THEIR. PARENT.  It is time that parents everywhere start taking their jobs seriously.  You have a responsibility to raise a person who will give to society … in some way – not just take.  A person with a moral compass, that leads to the road of humility and righteousness.  Unite. Take a stand.  Make friends your own age.  You can always be friends with your kids when they are older. 

What do you find is the most effective form of parenting? 

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At August 7, 2011 at 11:39 PM , Blogger Awn said...

Oh sister! I couldn't have said it better, and this comes from one who doesn't have children yet but works with them...every. single. day. I so appreciate parents like you and Ray! There are consequences to actions, despite what the mainstream culture would have us believe. Thank you for parenting responsibly.

At December 18, 2011 at 2:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I completely, 100% agree!!! THANK YOU!!!


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