Journal before the life lessons

I have a series of life lessons that came from Yesterday.  First, I’m going to write a journal entry of the events of yesterday and tomorrow I can post some of those life lessons.

Yesterday was a day to remember. Or forget, whichever you prefer.

Let’s start at the beginning….  I’ve been struggling.  Struggling with the blog. Is it for me? Is it too depressing? Is it real? Do I really want to be someone who has a bunch of people read my words? If so… do I need to “watch” what I say? *sigh*  I’ve been having a bit of writer’s block because I’m not sure how the blog is coming off. Or maybe it is because I’ve become to aware of how many people are reading it since people have started to hear about Alexander’s need for a seizure dog.  Either way – I have really been struggling with what to say here.

So, then yesterday smacked me right in the face.  Actually – the weekend smacked me in the face.  Here is a rundown.

Alexander’s seizure medicine is in the process of being tweaked.  He has been having these small, barely noticeable seizures.  Ray and I have watched and waited… to see if the medicine would take hold and put these seizures to rest.  The medicine is not the right combination.  This past weekend Alexander had a bunch of mini seizures.  It was becoming an issue that needed to be taken care of.

Yesterday began the chain of phone calls.  I called to discuss with the neurologist what changes to make in his medicine.  I also called the pediatrician about his formula, made arrangements to have his formula picked up, called our lawyer to finalize some legal documents, called the medical supply company to order our supplies, called the pharmacy (who knows us by name…), and made arrangements for the twins to get picked up because I had to rush home after work for Alexander’s PT.  I’m not saying all of this because I want sympathy.  Actually – sympathy is pretty far from what I want from anyone.  Sympathy almost rhymes with PITY and as much as I appreciate people praying for our family, at the same time it makes me sad that we need those prayers.  Yesterday was one of those days when I seriously didn’t know how I was doing it.  Some days are good. Some days are bad.

Some days you have to ask your father to stay over because your youngest son is having another uncontrollable seizure and you have to call 911 again, and he rides in a helicopter again (only this time I couldn’t go with him.), and we go to Hershey again. 

Yesterday I worked to not scare my children when the ambulance came.  I needed to explain why Alexander and I were leaving but they were not allowed to go in their most awesome vehicles.  You know what I told my kids last night as I kissed them goodbye? “Mommy has to go and tell Fireman Sam what to do.  She has a big important job to be the boss of Fireman Sam and I can’t wait to tell you all about it when I get home.”  It sufficed, but this morning Andrew asked me, “Mommy? Can you take care of me? Where am I going today?”

Yesterday was a day of lessons.  Yesterday, I was worried about something so insignificant as a little piece of cyber writing.  Yesterday, I realized that many people worry or become angry over insignificant things.  Yesterday, I just as quickly realized the power of words – to hurt and to encourage.  Yesterday I learned that I’m not a fan of helicopters that don’t let the mother of a little boy ride along.  Yesterday, I was not a fan of seizures.  Yesterday, I thought I just might break. 

Finally, yesterday has past.  Tomorrow I will take Alexander to do a 24-hour seizure watch.  An EEG, video recorder, my baby, and myself will hang out to see what happens.  Tomorrow, I’m going to pray for a seizure so we can get some real information about what is going on with my baby. 

And finally, tonight I just kissed my sweet babe goodnight.