Dear Andrew and Addison–Explanation

Dear Andrew and Addison,
If I’ve embarrassed you, I’m sorry.  It was never my intent.  The truth is, I’m different now than I was years ago. 

Once upon a time I was care free.  Once upon a time, I made up fake names and jumped on my bed (even as an adult) to songs by Poison.  Once upon a time, I hiked down a stinking cliff with your father and a bag of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches… just because I could.  Once upon a time, I went to a 50 cent concert… because I was invited.  Once upon a time, I drank Apple Martinis with 7 cherries in each glass… because they were the best part.  Once upon a time, I rode to Florida on Spring Break in the back of a pickup truck…. because times were simpler then.

Then … I became a wife.  A small change.  Still me, but a little more responsible me.  Then … I became a Mommy.  To you.  My beautiful babies. I didn’t mention those “Once Upon a Times” so you will think I have abandoned my dreams to become your mother.  I embraced my dreams of my childhood and young adulthood.  And then, with open arms and no regrets, I embraced you.  I matured.  Going out until 4 am just because I felt like it? Nope.  Getting up with you… to hold you and stroke your sweet faces at 4 am? Yes please. Let me embrace those moments.  They are so fleeting…. I cherish the memories of your daddy and I smiling at each other as we gave you a midnight feeding.  But – I did change.  A small change.  Still me, but a little more responsible me.

Then .. another small change.  A baby brother.   Still me, but a little more responsible me.  There are things I just must take care of.  Medicines and doctor appointments and schedules and … life.  Because Alexander has clutched my heart in the same way you two have.  Once again, I haven’t given up dreams for my life now.  With open arms and no regrets, I embrace our family.  But… when I look at the child I was 7 years ago… she is barely recognizable.  There were times this past year that I didn’t recognize the “still me” part.  It is back. It is here to stay. But I need you to know me now.  What if another change happens in our family?  One that I would embrace … but could add another dimension to our life and coincidentally change me?

I fully admit, that I write this blog for me.  “A little Something for Me.”  But I will also concede that I write this blog for you also. So you can see my love for you has no end. It is taking every ounce of self control I have not to go in and sleep with you at night… just to cuddle and gaze into your sweet faces.  You both have been asking for it ever since our beach trip, and if I could have that indulgence…. it would be a slice of heaven on Earth.  I will forget these memories in 6 months.  I don’t want to forget.  I don’t want you to forget.  I promise to try to remember that our memories are not only mine to share – but yours also.

My favorite memories of you sleeping….

And… If you do need therapy, I will pay for it.  I love you. Beyond words.

Blogging Exposure - HERE
Personal Confessions - HERE  
Letter to Alexander - HERE