In my New Normal

I’ve started to follow this blog – Finding My New Normal.  I love how she writes and how open she is about her journey of dealing with her own demons. I had a rough weekend and was really worried writer’s block would keep me from writing anything worthwhile after my Big Post.  It turns out… I just needed a few moments to allow my “new normal” to unfold.

In my “new normal,” my life has some extra worries.  Thankfully, after I blog my fears away… they usually stay away.  My big fear has left. (pretty much.)  The other miracles that were laying on my heart have once again shown their strength and resilience.  One endured open heart surgery at age 4.  And. is. home. Our friends have been sick, battling seizures, and worrying about the consequences of the seizures.  In my “new normal,” these things weigh on my heart and follow me into my dreams.  But as good health returns to the members of our Wolf Hirschhorn family, my fears subside. 

In my “new normal” – those fears that remain… I try to write about in the hopes of blogging them away.  I found myself writing this post yesterday and then walking away from it.  Today was our first day back to school… and several students from last year asked me about Alexander.  I found myself repeating the same mantra I tried to instill in them all last year.  You can let life’s circumstances define you… capture you… bring you down.  Or you can rise above them… live out loud in spite of life’s circumstances … live out loud because of life’s circumstances.
 

As I found myself repeating those positive words all day, I remembered the healing power of the innocence of the young.  I found myself smiling, pushing those fears away, remembering why I love my job.  I knew I needed to come home and re-word this post. 

In my “new normal,” I rage against seizures, wrestle with my weight, worry about the amount of stimulation Alexander will get in a house without the twins, and try to be all things to all people.  In my “new normal,” I am learning that I cannot be all things to all people.  Just today, I forgot to order Alexander’s Prevacid (he is out of refills) and we almost broke his pump.  I was mentally preparing to get up every  1/2 hour to give Alexander his formula manually. (Pump is fixed… no worries there.) But, I am making lists to call the doctor and pharmacist tomorrow.  In my “new normal,” I have to remember to manage my time, find a space for me, be a positive influence for students, and remember that my family is a priority.

In my “new normal,” we celebrate the first back to school with an evening at the park.

He is so stinkin’ proud…. Just look at his face.  That expression says, “I’m cool, Mom.”

We rejoice in new tricks and old treasures found in – just being outside.

In my “new normal,” – we cherish our moments with our friends..

Yes… Andrew has a new girlfriend.  He asks about her almost every day….

In our “new normal,” we still get excited by small milestones that are met.  Alexander… riding in a cart – like a big boy. 

The stress will come.  I may launch myself over desks to answer a phone and feel pure RELIEF when it is not about Alexander.  I may forget to order medicines or schedule doctor’s appointments or even enter a grade.  I could dwell on the fact that I have a new normal… or I could embrace it.  I can chose to live. out. loud.  I can chose to dance in the rain.  I can chose to live the “life” I preach to my students.  I’m choosing it, baby. I’m choosing it.

I actually "cheated."  I wrote this post of my heart on Monday night, but - it is the follow - up to my last week's PYHO.  The post spiked at over 600 reads... I felt I should follow up with the I'm ok... in spite of fears post.