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Saturday, September 3, 2011

Everything is fine until 8:30

Every morning I wake up.  I get dressed, eat breakfast, grab the kids, rush out the door, and head off to work.  I love my students.  I talk to adults.  I call home.  I grade papers and write lesson plans.  I rush home to see that Alexander is getting his therapy, dinner is started, the twins are loved, and our family has some time together.

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I smile.  I smile through the entire day.  I smile because of the joy I get going into wake the twins up.  I smile because of the joy I get from stretching the minds of teenagers.  I smile because of the joy I get knowing that all my children are cared for while I work.  I smile because of the joy I get from spending time with all my family together.

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At 8:31, I want to cry.  Every. Single. Day.  8:30 is when we put Alexander on his feeding pump.  At 8:00 I start the dreaded task of mixing his formula, getting out his feeding tube bag, and loading it up for the night.  I can handle giving him medicine in his button and giving him some milk/food in his button when necessary – but this has become part of our everyday life.  Alexander gets 12 oz of liquid and 360 calories every single night.  Even when he eats a ton, I can’t begin to give him that amount of liquid during the day.  He loses his appetite and just screams that he is full.

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At 8:30, it is evident – Alexander is not just a baby.  He is a baby with special needs.  He is a baby on a feeding pump.  I can’t pretend that he is just a “newborn” … and I’m just waiting for him to master his next “trick.”  He is on a feeding pump… all night long.

 

Every night – at 8:30 – my heart breaks a little.  Because once more, I am hooking my son up to his pump. 

There you have it.  I hate the feeding pump. Hate. It.

5 Comments:

At September 4, 2011 at 9:57 AM , Blogger Hannah said...

I hear ya, I too hate the pump. However, because of that pump, Riley is a very active little 2 year old. Because of that pump, Riley has the strength and endurance to crawl, cruise, move around her environment all day long. So I have to be grateful to that pump too.

 
At September 4, 2011 at 3:32 PM , Blogger Lisa said...

HUGS!!! the dreaded awesome, horrible but lifesaving pump! As much as I hate it, it has definately become my best friend too!

 
At September 4, 2011 at 4:29 PM , Blogger jen@its all about me said...

I'm so sorry Kristen it sounds so horribly painful and necessary all at the same time. Prayers to you dear lady and to that precious little one as well.

 
At September 4, 2011 at 7:03 PM , Blogger Jennie said...

I'm so sorry. Again, my heart breaks for you. But you have such a beautiful family, and I know I've said it a million times, but you are such an amazing mother.

 
At September 6, 2011 at 11:08 PM , Anonymous Two Makes Four said...

I felt this post and I have no experience with this. You're doing an amazing job, girl. I would hate that pump, too.

 

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