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Saturday, November 19, 2011

Somebody Catch That Elephant!

Problem:  I am a buzz kill.
Solution: None.
DSC_0879

I went to a party last night.  I took my date… a very handsome man. 

And… I’m nervous.  A lot of people haven’t met Alexander.  Sometimes I just want to shake that elephant in the room. 

It’s not that people don’t know…. or that we can’t talk about it.  But… all these topics come up and conversations die out.

We are not a newborn… but we fit into newborn status.  People comment on how cute he is. Because he is.   People say how good he looks. Because he looks good. … but, he was tired. He didn’t want to sit up or hold his head up or play with anything.

IMG_1148
And I could feel it… the worried looks.  That Alexander was still so “newborn.”

And that Elephant in the room is off and running.

Friends say things and it seems I can never have the right response.  I feel defensive, “he isn’t feeling well. He normally sits so big.” 

I don’t want them to pity me so I try to make light of the questions asked, “Yeah, nothing like forgetting to feed your kid.” or “here’s a photo for Bad Parenting Magazine – how to smoosh your kid on the couch between 2 fluffy pillows.”

I’m probably over sensitive.  I don’t want to be a downer because people don’t know what to say.  And the truth is… sometimes I don’t know what to say either.

I’m better when I can write it out.  I’m better when I can think before I commit words to a page.  I’m better when I have a chance to use backspace and erase words I didn’t mean to say. 

Dear Friends,
Please continue to invite me to things.  That Elephant is growing smaller… I promise.  I need to get out.  I need to practice.  I know I have to work on it.  I need to build a little more confidence.  I need to chase that Elephant out of the room.  Just… let me keep being “normal” until “normal” is all we are.
Thanks,
Owner of the elephant.

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6 Comments:

At November 19, 2011 at 9:24 AM , Blogger championm2000 said...

As always, I love your honesty.

 
At November 19, 2011 at 11:43 AM , Anonymous Teresa K said...

I know the feeling. I took to telling people that I had the baby that everyone wants; the "if only they'd stay little until they wore through their Carter's" kid. Your children are beautiful and need no excuses (most of the time :o)), so yes, keep getting out there, keep practicing, and know that even though it might not ever be easy it eventually will get more "normal".

 
At November 19, 2011 at 4:28 PM , Blogger The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

You love all three of your children with all of you heart. What could be more normal? Just be yourself at get togethers just as you are on your blog and everyone will see just that.
Hugs!

 
At November 19, 2011 at 7:22 PM , Blogger jen@ living a full life said...

I get what you mean since I've been there. Feeling comfortable with how to say what you want may take some time.

The people your hanging with are your friends, right? You are such a warm a generous person, my guess is your friends are the same.

On a personal note. I was a wreck after the kids died, didn't know what to say, thought all sorts of things about people and their reactions to my situation,including my friends!

It was just my fertile imagination on overdrive while I adjusted to the changes I was going thru.

Bright side....I did adjust ;)
You will to friend.

Lov ya,

 
At November 20, 2011 at 10:03 PM , Blogger Hilary said...

Love you!

 
At November 21, 2011 at 2:42 PM , Blogger Deb said...

I love this post, but this part especially resonates with me:

I’m better when I can write it out. I’m better when I can think before I commit words to a page. I’m better when I have a chance to use backspace and erase words I didn’t mean to say.

It's the same for me. Oh, is it ever.

I hope those invitations (and that practice) keep coming.

 

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