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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

How full is your glass?

I know this post is going to upset some people.  I realize some people will be angry that I wrote all this down.  I'm sorry. I just can not be silent about this anymore.

What is it about a person's life that they cannot be satisfied with what they have? Why is it that some people look around and crave what they do not have?

I spent a few moments this past Sunday morning in the nursery at our church.  I had to give Alexander a tube feed because he absolutely refused to eat anything orally and I didn't want to do it in front of the church - so I went someplace a little more private.  From my rocking chair I tube fed Alexander and watched 3 beautiful children play.  2 of those children were mine, and the third was my nephew.  He is 6 weeks older than Alexander.  He must weigh about 50 lbs (ok ... kidding :), but he is walking all over the place and he was playing so well with the twins.  It was so cute to see.  I know where you all probably think I am going with this - but the truth is... I really wouldn't have things any other way.  I don't look at Alexander and wish he was my nephew. I don't look at other children and wish they were Alexander.  I know many people will find that hard to believe... because they are so close in age.  But - my nephew and Alexander are exactly who they were meant to be. 
There are times when I rage against the syndrome.  There are times when I worry for my family.  But - those times are fleeting now.  This is our life.  To wish for something else has no point.  It is the corrosive acid that eats at your heart.  It is the thing that robs you of the beauty you can enjoy today.  If I spent today envying what someone else had.... where would I be tomorrow? What if everything was gone tomorrow? Is that how I would want my last day spent? With envy?  I wish I could explain it better... but I believe either you are someone who feels envious of what other people have - or you don't.  I have many many flaws... but, thankfully, envy is not one of them. 

I am continuously surprised by how many people around me covet what others have.  Not only do they covet - but they openly covet. 

We live in a tiny house.  The square footage upstairs (not including the basement that is "finished") is around 1200 sq ft.  Our master bedroom is 10.5 ft x 10.5 ft.  I know people with closets bigger than this! We drive a 2002 Nissan Sentra that is pushing 200,000 miles and a minivan! We are teachers. We don't work in corporate America with big paychecks. We have a son who has serious health concerns.  I have friends who live in bigger houses.  I have friends who drive nicer cars. I have friends..... (insert any phrase here). And the truth is... I really don't care. I just don't.  My family will get a bigger house when the time is right for us - and not a moment before.

We don't live in Japan. We don't live in Haiti.  We don't live in Ethiopia - and I have an education and so will my daughter.  My son is ALIVE.  All my children are alive. My husband is sitting right here - in my living room with me.  We have food in our cupboards.  We have a bed to sleep in.

So - why the reason for this post? I'm frustrated with the people who can't see how blessed they are.  I'm frustrated with the people who just don't have enough in their glass.  Some of these people I care for deeply and would love to support more, but I just can't put things in someone else's glass.  Also .... I find it a little demeaning when people think my glass is too empty - because it is pretty full, thank you.

I'm going to talk specifically about a topic that comes up often in my various social circles.  It is probably because of my age.... I'm early (ok... getting closer to mid) 30's and loads of people are having children.  So, this brings me back to my family. I only brought up my nephew because I'm sure a million people wonder what I think when I'm around our family.  The truth is - nothing.  My nephew is who he is, Andrew is who he was meant to be, Addison is who she was meant to be, and Alexander is who he was meant to be. I'm sure there are people out there who look at my face to see if they can find a hint of "what if" when we are together.  There is no what if.  My nephew is perfect.  And so is my son.  And so are all children.  To wish for the perfect child and then go on to describe this "perfection" is taking the beauty out of life.  Is perfection finally having a son? or finally having a daughter? How many times have I heard this? "We really want a ____________."  You know what I want to say?  baby!  Just answer baby.  I prayed for healthy baby... and even this - I believe now, was sort of a selfish prayer.  Because .... am I not happy that I received a baby?  What about all those people who become pregnant and do not take babies home from the hospital?  What about all those people who pray for years to become pregnant? Would they not just be happy with a baby?  And this is not a conversation I hear once in a blue moon... these are pieces of conversations I hear over and over again. 
If you have a girl / boy - will you love them less?
If you have a "perfect" child... who develops Autism (we will use this because it is so prevalent) - will you love that child less?
If you have a "perfect" child... who discovers they are gay? and doesn't give you the perfect wedding? or the perfect sports activities to follow? or the perfect grandchildren? 

Where does it END?!?

I try not to judge ... too much. But seriously - be content.  Your glass is full.


At March 15, 2011 at 10:13 PM , Blogger Traci Cameron said...

Wow!! Amazing! I commend you so much.. because, I do catch myself not being happy with certain things. I hate that I have been having so many health problems, I hate that I have to leave my kids and go to work each day, I hate that I have to clean up the toys over and over.. but really, I am thankful for all of those things. I am still alive, I have a job (when many don't), and my kids are healthy, happy, and playful. You just knocked me back into reality. So many people have different situations and I just need to be happy with mine. Thank you!

At March 15, 2011 at 10:16 PM , Blogger Kisses4Kaylee said...

Cannot help but wonder what transpired that inspired this blog post, but I hope you feel better now that you have let it all out. xo

At March 15, 2011 at 10:20 PM , Blogger Jenn said...

Ok couldn't help but log in and tell you I LOVE YOU! (Ok now really getting a shower I to you tomorrow)

At March 15, 2011 at 11:51 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

Amazing!! Kristen you really have a way with words:)

At March 16, 2011 at 3:26 PM , Blogger Kimmie said...

Great post Kristen. Love the point and love the delivery. Thank you.

At March 16, 2011 at 4:39 PM , Blogger Kristen said...

I would just like to say Thanks to all the comments and e-mails I have received about this post. I didn't realize it would touch so many people.
Laurie.... I don't know that it was any "events" - but .. yeah - it sure did feel good to get off my chest! :)

At March 17, 2011 at 8:53 AM , Blogger Nicki aka Chris and Alison's mom said...

I know a lot of people that are envious or jealous of what others have and it eats them up inside. If you can never just be happy with what you have and realize that God has a plan for you and he will reveal His plan when HE is ready then you will just live a miserable life. I agree that people should just be happy with what they have, you can't do anything to change Gods plan so why even worry about it.


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