Pray that Peace can come from this Decision

to go back to work.  I’ve gotten letters, e-mails, phone calls, private messages, and public ones.  This was my one specific prayer request at the new bible study I have begun to attend… Please help me to know which direction to turn. 

I thought vacation would help me to have perspective, and I guess in a way – it did.  In the end, it was the factor I hadn’t really considered that weighed on my heart.  I clearly discussed the pro’s and con’s of going back to work versus staying home with my children.  After listening to all these people (whom I really respect) … I truly thought I was going to take a year off.  My heart was adjusting to this possible reality and I found myself trying to take on the role of housewife again.  With every task, I would ask myself… “can you do this every day?  Will this help your family?  Will this help your quality of life?”  Friends, fellow educators – encouraged me to take this time and love my children.  Allow the appointments and medical needs to become a greeted focus instead of an unwelcome distraction.  Give myself fully to my family. 

I swam in the ocean, and prayed.  I played with my children, and silently prayed.  I laid on the beach, stroking Alexander’s tiny foot, and prayed. 

We could do things together.  We could go to the park together.  We could go to bible study …. The twins could go to this pre-school 3 mornings a week (free).  No more stress.  No more sleepless nights and dark circles under my eyes.  1 year…. where could we all be in 1 year? Maybe healthier and more rested.

Last night, as I prayed and wrote… I began the blog about Overexposure – found HERE.  I realized something as I typed that post.

Ever hear of the Love Languages?  I believe there are love languages… that people express themselves differently.  This entire time, I’ve prided myself in this idea that I embrace Ray and My differences.  What if…. we also handle stress differently?

I blog.  Ray has not always thought it was a good idea or been thrilled about what I put on here, but he lets me do it.  He loves me enough to realize I need this someway.

Ray does.  He plans.  He makes memories. We are headed out to the fair today.  It is the ride-all-day-for-one-price day.  But that price is still $13.00 per kid.  If I no longer work, I would in essence be taking away his “thing.”  His outlet to plan fun things to do with the kids.  How’s that for embracing our differences… I take away what makes him unique to follow what makes me?  Can’t do it.

The nice thing is… I really do love my job.  That is why it was a hard decision in the first place.  AND… if we get going – and I can’t do it anymore, I’m just going to trust that I will be led down a good path.

Besides…. I’m really excited about the luau theme that threw up all over my classroom.

As for the blogging and the – getting – me – fired issue.  I don’t talk about my students.  I don’t talk about my co-workers.  I speak in abstract lessons and love my life.  I’m just going to trust that I’m headed down the path I’m supposed to travel.

 Where else would I get to change a life – as a crossing guard? Or bore someone this much?
I was reading this book and one of the discussion questions was, “What will your life story be?”  I thought…. this question is as if it is directed just at me.  I’m not positive what the outcome of our life story is… but I feel certain this is where we are to be at this exact moment.