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Over Indulging our kids… and Undermining my Husband

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Over Indulging our kids… and Undermining my Husband

I’ve been undermining Ray.  Not on purpose, but… *sigh* the truth is – he’s been over indulgent to the kids.  This past summer it seems every time I turned around – he was doing / getting them something.  You want an example? check out the post HERE.  Or… even this weekend – he left to get chemicals for the pool and came home with:
A tool belt
Musical Violin
Musical Saxophone
Small Piano
Battle Ship
And a couple of other things….

And they have a Birthday coming up in one month.  * I hang my head in shame here .*  I’ve been undermining this birthday.  I’ve felt ashamed that we were “going all out” for their 3 year old party.  I’ve felt like we should be doing something a little more … low key … for a birthday.

Ray’s booked a “destination” party.  We’re all going to a farm.  At the farm, there is a corn maze, hay ride, and petting zoo.  We’re doing a whole farm theme, complete with farm themed invitations.  We have farm themed games, farm themed food, and farm themed activities back at our house after the party.  We are inviting our friends and there should be a nice group of kids to enjoy the twins birthday. Instead of jumping up and down with excitement, even though the party sounds amazing, I have been quietly undermining Ray’s efforts because I felt it was a little lavish.  I’ve felt I needed to explain that this was Ray’s thing.
And now I feel ashamed.  Last Tuesday helped me to put things in perspective, once again. 

What if you were dating someone or even friends with someone who said, “I’ll come get you for dinner,” and never showed up?  How many times would you allow that behavior happen before you just… ditched that person? They say Actions speak louder than Words.  Sometimes I hate what our actions say.  They say… “We are not reliable.  We tell you we will be there for you, but we don’t always show up.” 

I know everyone reading this blog is thinking, it isn’t our fault.  But 3 year olds don’t understand that.  They wouldn’t speak to us when they returned home from the babysitter’s.  We don’t want to make a big deal about Alexander needing us, because the last thing we want is for them to resent him.  So they resent us… And if Raymond wants to throw them a grand birthday party to speak loudly YOU ARE SPECIAL TOO… then, a grand birthday party it shall be.

Which brings me right back to Raymond’s gift giving.  I hear people comment on the amount of toys my children have.  First, they don’t have that many…. but secondly – Imagine if almost weekly your sibling got new and cool toy?  Therapists leave Alexander toys all the time in the hopes that it will be the thing that triggers a new skill.  How long until do you think it will be until the twins resent all those “gifts?”
*I actually came home to another “gift” for Alexander.  It is a water therapy pool to help with his mobility.  Let me tell you – the twins think it looks awesome*

So again … I feel ashamed.  If Ray wants to go “picking” (this is what he calls himself when he stops at a yard sale) toys for the twins… then why can’t he?  Why should anyone care what my children have anyway?  Why should I feel the need to explain to others (or apologize) because my children got something?

I’m hoping the overindulgence will come to a slow simmer.  But, I’m P8190605also going to stop feeling guilty because we chose to show our love many ways.  I tell my kids I love them about a million times a day.  I tuck my kids into bed every night.  I hug them… over and over again.  But, I also break promises and disappear for days unexpectedly.  I will no longer undermine my husband as he plans an amazing birthday party.  Instead – I will focus on what a blessing it is to be married to a man who takes the time to think about our kid’s needs.

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At September 20, 2011 at 12:40 PM , Blogger Kisses4Kaylee said...

Are your children acting like they are over-indulged? Speaking out about what you DON'T get them, as though it is some sort of 'right' they have to get, get, get? Are they crying when a day goes by and they don't receive something new out of a box? My guess is no. I am willing to bet that your children LOVE their toys-- old and new-- and from the pictures I've seen you post, they have quite an avid imagination. Life is too short to apologize for wanting and giving the best you can to your kids. If your house is filled with trinkets Ray "picked" at a sale, then even better-- look at it as even more opportunity to inspire the creativity and excitement of your children while they are still young enough to enjoy and be inspired by it. Something I have heard parents sometimes do is box away some toys and put them into rotation; I keep saying that I will do the same thing-- one day. Til then, I say give to your kids all that you can. Extravagant birthday parties? They WILL remember the farm-- even if it is just from looking at the amazing photos you will assuredly take-- and I would never, ever, ever feel guilty, ashamed, bad or anything other than happy that you are willing...and commemorate their milestone third birthday in such a special way. You are way too hard on yourself!!

At September 20, 2011 at 9:21 PM , Anonymous Rachel J. said...

Destination parties are all we do. There's no way I'd have more than four children under age 7 in our house with cake and ice cream! The reduced stress and cleaning alone is worth the price! When you have birthdays that happen when you can't be outside, destination is the way to go!

At September 22, 2011 at 3:27 PM , Blogger Big D and Me said...

We had a farm party for our son when he was 3. It was the best party. Kids that age love the animals. I've learned in this life that you never know what's around the corner so celebrate. I think birthdays should be fun and over the top. Make them feel special and know it's their special day. But I completely understand about worrying about overindulging. You are not. It's their birthday.


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