The Unexpected Pregnancy

I heard the news today.  I don’t know how to tell you, because I don’t want you to think people are talking about you.  They are not… I was only told because, well, I would understand.  And I’m going to put this on my blog in hopes that God will lead it to the right people.

My heart breaks for yours.  As you carry this unborn baby from doctor to doctor, I know your heart breaks as well.   I know what those long days at specialists feels like.  I know what it feels like when your hope is chipped away with each new test, result, or consultation.  I know what it feels like to have that guilt weigh on your shoulders.

If you asked me a thousand times – 999 times - I would tell you, “it is not my fault.”  But that one time, when my guard was down, I would confess that I feel guilt over Alexander’s diagnosis.  I wasn’t taking prenatal vitamins.  I wasn’t doing the things I should have been doing.  I wasn’t prepared.  I ate the wrong things.  I was so “confident” because… babies are born healthy all the time. 

I should have known.  I should have done something differently.  I’m his mom.  I’m … his … mom… I just shouldn’t have allowed this to happen.  Those are the secrets of my heart.

What you feel it completely normal.  The waiting is so difficult.  Specialists can only tell you so much – and until you’ve held that precious baby in your arms… the bonding is not quite the same.  In time – we both will come to believe what our heads already know… there was nothing we did that could have changed this outcome.  God’s hand directs things in motion… for a purpose we are not always meant to understand.

Everyone must make their own choices; I’ve been told you are not going to terminate, and I can tell you that is a choice you will not regret.  Those specialists don’t know what a child can do.  Those specialists don’t know what God can do. 

We were told to allow Alexander to pass.  We were told he would never eat.  We were told he would not know us.  We were told children with his syndrome don’t walk or talk.  All of those things are false. 
So what if your unborn baby doesn’t cure cancer?  He probably wasn’t going to bring world peace anyway.  I can’t count the number of people Alexander has brought closer to God.  What if that is his purpose?  What if that has secured his place in heaven?  And the first shall be last and the last shall be first…

As I write you this letter, Alexander is crying.  He’s tired of the EEG wrap on his head and he wants to fall asleep.  Yet I tell you this, I would not have changed a thing.  He is beautiful in every way.  He has fulfilled my final dream to be his mother… just as I was meant to be.

I know this video has been shown before – but … I need for you to see it.  It is the life that has chosen me.  At some point, turning things over to God will bring peace to your heart.

Please know that I am here.  Feel free to read anything you want.  Feel free to come to me at any time.  I am always here. 
I wrote this letter in hopes that it reaches a specific person… but the truth is, so many mothers carry the burden of wondering if their unborn child will be ok.  Please feel free to repost this as you see fit… in the hopes it reaches all the people who need to read it.

I'm linking with Shell for the same reason....