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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

All Apologies

I’m Sorry.

If you read this blog, you probably think I am the most giving and generous person around…. but the post of my heart today is – the truth.  I. Am. Not.

I’m selfish. I don’t give as much as I take.  I forget to ask others how they are.  I mentally write notes that I never send.  I forget birthdays. I forget anniversaries.  I forget…. important dates.  I forget that I offered to do something…. and then it doesn’t get done.

I will verbally say “thank you,” but – if I have to write it out… it never gets done.  Actually, for Alexander’s 1st birthday – I wrote over 100 thank you notes…. and got distracted when it came time to address them, so in a pile they sit. For Alexander’s Auction – I just found a list of about 20 names to be added to the “Heartfelt Thank You” page – and a check that was sent months ago… The worst part isn’t that I just found this check – but that the girl who wrote me the check e-mailed me last month.  She was following up… because I'd never cashed it.  And I honestly can’t remember if I e-mailed her back or not.  Erin, if you are reading this… I found it and I’m sorry.

There are friendships I’ve let go.  Circles of women that I think about… but just don’t make the time to spend time with them.  My “rocks” for the last 4 years have been my twin mom friends.  Some of those friendships I just don’t put as much effort into as I should.  If I ask – any one of those girls would do anything for me… but I often miss out on big events in their life – like moves, struggles, and triumphs.  I’m just not as there for them as they are for me.  And it makes me sad. 

The week before school started, I offered to work on 2 projects for different dear friends.  Neither project was completed by the time we went back to school… and I haven’t looked at either project since.  I have been overworked with back to school… and – I’m sure they understand – but … isn’t that the point?

Everyone is SO UNDERSTANDING.  People forgive me all the time.  People accept me – even though I am a terrible friend.

  I … am … just … self (and family) … absorbed.


To all those in my life, I am truly sorry.  From the bottom of my heart – I appreciate you.  If you haven’t received a thank you note or phone call back or return e-mail or…. just the basics of a friendship – I don’t mean to undervalue you.

Thank you for keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers.  Thank you for remembering us.  Thank you for making excuses for me.  Thank you for offering up forgiveness time and time again. 

Thank you for being my friend.  Please know that until I can be a better friend back – I will remain “All Apologies” for my friendship faux pas.

Once again… Pouring My Heart out with Shell

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At September 7, 2011 at 7:36 AM , Blogger Heather said...

I think we have all been "that friend" or "that person" during our lifetimes. The good news is our real friends don't need apologies though I am sure the like them. They just accept us for who we are and move on.

Someday you will be able to make it up to them and they know that.

Stopping by from Shell's

At September 7, 2011 at 8:06 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

Girl - if anyone understands it us twin mommas! You never have to apologize for those things. You are there when needed - didn't you drop everything and call a few weeks ago ;)And like the previous person stated- real friends get it! We love you!

At September 7, 2011 at 8:51 AM , Blogger Anastasia said...

Oh you sound so overwhelmed. I'm sure your true friends understand, and if they don't then they aren't your real friends. And they don't deserve your precious time anyway.

At September 7, 2011 at 11:53 AM , Blogger Oka said...

One day, it will be your turn to be there for others. You will know that time. You won't hesitate. You will just do.

At September 7, 2011 at 12:16 PM , Blogger Jennie said...

I'd say you're pretty darn human then. Which is good! All of us struggle with certain things, and I'm actually one who struggles in this same area! I often feel like you were describing here.

At September 7, 2011 at 12:22 PM , Blogger Shell said...

Oh, how many times I have been there!

We all get busy with life and can't do it all.

Thank God for understanding friends!

At September 7, 2011 at 4:19 PM , Blogger Eric, Erin, Elsie and Emmy said...

No worries on just finding the check! Shows you how often I balance my checkbook!!!! You have three kids, a full time job, a husband and try to do things for yourself! You are one busy lady!! And I am always so impressed by what you DO do!!! And I still haven't sent you the cheddar popcorn seasoning. Soon! I promise! By Christmas!!!

At September 7, 2011 at 4:20 PM , Blogger Eric, Erin, Elsie and Emmy said...

No worries on just finding the check! Shows you how often I balance my checkbook!!!! You have three kids, a full time job, a husband and try to do things for yourself! You are one busy lady!! And I am always so impressed by what you DO do!!! And I still haven't sent you the cheddar popcorn seasoning. Soon! I promise! By Christmas!!!

At September 7, 2011 at 11:00 PM , Blogger Laura said...

To everything there is a season and a time for EVERY purpose under heaven... right now you are in a totally overwhelmed by family and work season... no time for extras. I think we all get it :) At some point everyone hits that spot, and hopefully we are surrounded by others that understand and are willing to support us through even without reciprocity. Eventually you will be in a position to be a supporter, but for now don't feel guilt. Be verbal if written doesn't work, and just soak up the love, because it IS genuine :)

At September 7, 2011 at 11:41 PM , Blogger Jenna said...

so honest and heartfelt. thank you for linking up and pouring your heart out and talking about things that make you feel like youre not good enough. You ARE. And I love that you have friends around you that understand and extend grace to you.

At September 9, 2011 at 10:17 AM , Blogger GingerGirl said...

Honey...just ask them to read your purse confession--then they will understand how frazzled you are! ;) But seriously, it is true...we are all "that friend" at some time or another. The fact that you want to be a better friend speaks volumes about your heart.



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