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I’m going to start a “Therapy” fund… ‘Cause they are going to need it.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I’m going to start a “Therapy” fund… ‘Cause they are going to need it.

I’m going to pour my heart out. Ready? I love my life.  Most of the time.
Look at how well Alexander is standing! Can you see that my fingers are not touching him? Only my thumbs and ring fingers.  I wish I could get a picture of him standing somewhere other than the tub… but – what can I say? He likes to stand there.

Anyway, Our life… the good, the bad, the ugly… I don’t mind sharing it.  I hope people will read it, identify with us, offer us hope, and find hope from the resilience of my family.  However… Ray would be just fine with our life being private … kept just to us.  Sometimes I share too much.  This week, for PYHO, I thought I would tell you a purely fictional story.  Because, there is no way 2 – college educated parents of 3 could have so many “mishaps” in one evening.  No way.  We only make great parenting decisions… so please remember that that this post in no way represents the people or opinions of this blog.


Once upon a time there was this family.  For sake of argument, let’s call the dad Ray and the mom Kristen.  And pretend they have twins named… Andrew and Addison.  And, maybe they have another kid named Alexander.  (This will just help us keep the story strait.  No way implying the people in this story are real.)

This family decided to go camping very soon.  They made preparations. 

They had tents.


This family was known for “testing” things before the big event.  In fact, they practiced hunting Easter Eggs before Easter, Dressing up for Halloween, and other events were serious melt downs could occur.  The Daddy decided he and the twins should “practice” camping in the back yard to ensure no “freak outs” happened during our first big trip.


First…. the Daddy set up that small, baby sized tent.  The twins eagerly asked, “Is that our tent?”  Mommy thought, “well… maybe they are going to squeeze into that tiny tent so no one is scared.”


Then…. the Daddy set up the big, family sized tent.  The twins eagerly asked, “Is that our tent?”  Mommy thought, “Probably Ray is just vacuuming out those tents for while he is messing with the camping stuff.” 

When the Daddy came inside, the twins asked, “Daddy – what tent are WE sleeping in tonight?”  At this point, I’m pretty sure Ray was suffering from some concussion or something … because he answered, “You twins are sleeping in the small tent and I am going to sleep in the big tent.”

He wasn’t joking. Seriously. He thought the twins would be sleeping in one tent and we would sleep in the other.  Have I mentioned that in this “hypothetical” story the twins are not yet 3 years old?

The Mommy might have gone a little crazy.  She might have started yelling things about slasher movies and John Walsh and ….. it might have gotten a little out of hand.  In the end – the twins and the Daddy might have decided to sleep in the same big family tent.

americas-most-wantedwoman_pulling_hair_out 9657Card-Slashers-Incorporated-1-a-a-Paint1

*Crisis averted*

At this point, the Mommy probably decided to go visit a friend in the hospital.  She probably dropped Alexander off with his grandma and headed down to spend some time with one of her lifelong friends.  She might have gotten home (with Alexander) close to 10pm.  Let’s just say… 9:50.  She turned off the headlights as she pulled in the driveway as to not wake her sleeping family.  Only, when she opened her door… she heard twin giggles and the screams of WWF style body slams.  I’m not going to lie.  If this story were REAL … it was hilarious.  They would shout to each other, “No! Don’t get me!”  Followed by a body slam.  Apparently Ray blew up the air mattress for them and they thought it was like a wrestling ring.  The Mommy couldn’t help but laugh and laugh because they were so cute. 

The Mommy went in to put Alexander to bed and clean a bit in the house.  She couldn’t turn on any of the lights because she was afraid the light would shine into the tent.  So … she cleaned in the dark.  Just as she was putting the finishing touches on the kitchen, she realized she had several soda cans left on the counter.  The Mommy decided to be a “good wife” and throw those cans in the recycling bin outside.  As she crept out the door, she heard the blessed sound of silence.  She smiled at the thought of her sleeping babies.  She carefully placed those cans in the recycling bin and turned to go back inside.

When she realized she had locked herself out of the house.  Completely out.  No jiggling of the door fix.  No hidden key. 

And she realized she would have to go wake her sleeping husband (who…. due to her insistence was sleeping right next to the twins) to help her break back into the house.

*There are no pictures of this …*

I would like to end the story here…. for the sake of the “kids” and anyone else who is reading.  No one needs to know what happened after this – except - the hypothetical couple were happily in love the next morning.

Because I couldn’t resist – here are a few more cute pictures taken today of the real Andrew, Addison, and Andrew … and our beautiful life. (Under the guidance of great parenting.)

So…. have any “fictional” stories that would make you look like Parent of the Year?  Come on… make us all feel better.  Did you suggest letting your twin toddlers sleep alone at a campsite?  Did you wake your entire family at 10:30 because you locked yourself out of the house?  Spill it. 

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At October 12, 2011 at 9:08 AM , Blogger said...

i love how you just so happen to have a bunch of pictures to go along with this fictional, awesome story. :)

At October 12, 2011 at 9:10 AM , Blogger Jackie said...

What an awesome "story"! I love the wrestling on the blow up bed. And I agree, better to practice the camping before the actual trip.

At October 12, 2011 at 9:51 AM , Blogger Shell said...

Bwahaha! My Hubs would totally think it was okay to have the kids in their own tent.

At October 12, 2011 at 9:58 AM , Blogger Kristen said...

Finally Mom - it was very convenient that I was able to find pictures to go with my "fictional" story. :)

At October 12, 2011 at 10:20 AM , Blogger justin and marsi said...

when we first moved back to indiana, the twins and i moved back and dh stayed in wisconsin to finish things up. i went out to get the mail and when i came back in the door was locked... i had just gone around the night before to make sure all the windows were locked... we live in the middle of nowhere and i was alone with the twins...jolie and hugh came up to the door and were screaming and crying for me and i couldn't get in... i didn't even have my cell phone and we don't have any close neighbors! i then remembered that i had cracked the laundry room window that morning. so i had to go around and pry off the screen and shove my rear through the smallest window in the house which had the dryer right under it... it was terrible and dh thought it was hilarious after the fact... yep, mom of the year.

At October 12, 2011 at 10:56 AM , Blogger Di said...

I locked the hubs out of the house when he took the dog for a walk. He took too long and didn't have his phone. I fell asleep. I didn't hear him knocking on the window or the door. So he slept in the yard for a few hours with the dog. I finally let him in when I woke up to feed the Jellybean!

At October 12, 2011 at 11:21 AM , Blogger Jenna said...

loved your storytelling!! What a great fictional account, and fantastic pictures you just happened to have come across that work so well into the tale you spun!

At October 12, 2011 at 11:48 AM , Blogger Minivan Mama said... thinks your story might be more of an autobiography?? ; )

At October 12, 2011 at 4:41 PM , Blogger Dwija {House Unseen} said...

Whew, good thing this is all made up! Because then you might be after my mommy-flubs award that I'm so trying to win :)

At October 12, 2011 at 6:04 PM , Anonymous Sheila said...

Sounds a little like the kinda madness that goes on around our house! Alway's good to know 'it's not always me'.

At October 12, 2011 at 8:24 PM , Anonymous Rachel J. said...

I was out of the running for mother of the year last year on January first. On the very first day of the year, my clean slate was blighted by two sad parenting events. First, I let Adam go sledding at his great grandmother's house. I put him in footed fleece PJs and put his snow suit on. Then I put his boots on over his PJ feet. Sounds nice and warm, right? But he kept screaming that his boots hurt and I told him he'd just have to walk around a little bit and he'd get used to the boots. Also, he wears an extra wide shoe, but here was no way I was spending all that $$$ for XW boots, so they were tight to begin with, even before the footed PJs. Thirty minutes of screaming while sledding later, I realized his boots were on the wrong feet. So I made him walk around with his feet squished into too-small boots that were on the wrong feet.

Later that same day, I came in from outside, shut the storm door and shut the front door. Only to realize my child was standing at the glass storm door and I smushed him between the doors.

I don't recall things improving on January 2.

At October 12, 2011 at 8:31 PM , Blogger Kristen said...

Marsi - I'm not going to lie - I was cracking up at the thought of you trying to wiggle through a small window.

Di - I LOVE the fact that he took a nap until you let him back in :)

And Rachel... I seriously laughed out loud - several times.

Love it!

At October 13, 2011 at 1:49 PM , Blogger Kristy said...

I loved reading this - too funny! I love all the pictures too, especially the one of Alexander standing! How fantastic! He is getting so big. Love to you all. :)

At October 13, 2011 at 3:13 PM , Blogger Deb said...

I love this purely fictional story. I actually wrote about one proud parenting experience here:
Burning down the house

I wish I'd had the sense to mark it as fictional!

Sometimes I wonder what my blog would be like if Ba.D. weren't once a reality TV show contestant. I still ask him before I post things that touch on our family, but he hasn't once gone, "No! Ugh! Why must you do this?" I'm glad for that, because blogging really helps me sort stuff out. :)

At October 13, 2011 at 10:27 PM , Anonymous Galit Breen said...

Love the photos and the story of this (obviously!) hypothetical family! Hee! :)


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