Daddy, Can I grow up to be like you?

Dad with Addison

*sigh* Where to begin? At the beginning?

I might have been a Daddy's girl.  I don't remember that far back.

My mother has always claimed you and I didn't get along because we were too much alike.

Although I knew a part of this was true, I wasn't really fond of that statement.

Dad bathing the twins
after eating cake on their
first birthday.

Honestly, I don't know what to say that can accurately portray our relationship back then without harming our relationship right now.

You were strict.  You had high expectations. You had a clear direction on how a child should be raised. Sometimes it seemed to me you focused too much on how to raise us into proper people.

Often, I was angry with you.  I felt you didn't understand me. Sometimes, I felt you took me for granted.  I rebelled against you.  I purposefully disobeyed you. (Shoot.... Once I drove your car over a set of railroad tracks.) But~ I prayed that someday you and I would come together and I would say, "Daddy, Can I grow up to be just like you?"

Well....Daddy.... Can I grow up to be just like you?

I mean it.  Adulthood has changed us both.  It is a lot harder to be a parent than I thought.  I'm always second guessing myself or wondering if I'm helping my children become great adults. I think that I make you proud.  I like that.

Me - on Left
Pappy -  in Center

You make me proud.  Now that I'm an adult you are no longer trying to "shape me" into the person you think I should be.  You are fun, you are relaxed, and our relationship is nothing short of what I could have dreamed of.  You are the Pappy I had.  When I think of your father, my heart melts into little flowers and rainbows.  The other day I was disciplining Addison and do you know what she said?  "I want to see Pappy now.  I want to go have hot chocolate with my Pappy."  And my heart swelled with pride and love.  She loves her Pappy the way I loved mine.

You are a great Pappy.  My kids love you.  Your love for them is evident every day.  I have to tell you something. I know that you worried when my mother was pregnant with me.  You are a genius (literally) and I know you worried that you would have a child who wouldn't be able to see the world as you see it.  I can tell you this was my fear also. (I guess we really are a lot alike.) I don't judge you by this fear.... it was over 30 years ago ~ as I hope no one will judge the fact that I had the same fears before having Alexander.  The fact that you feared a disability doesn't make me respect you less; it makes me love you so much more.

Because you love my kids. All of them. And more times than not, I see you holding Alexander. And my heart melts. It just melts.  You are the first to pick Alexander up.  Last summer, when I was dealing with the grief of the loss of a child I thought I would have, you made plans for us every week.  You took Alexander and I out into the world. (Granted - it was to hillbilly auctions) ... but still - we went.  You helped mend my heart.  I'm so proud of the man you are.  I think kids are allowed to be proud of their parents too....

I love you.

Daddy, Can I grow up to be like you?

If you have a story about how your relationship with a parent has changed, I would love to hear it!