Wives, Submit to your Husbands

Stop Laughing. Seriously. Stop Laughing.   It’s in the Bible, right?  I mean… all we have to do is just sit back, listen to what they say, and then .. do it.  Right?
A good friend of mine blogged about the Welcome to Holland Essay.  She used the “strikethrough” – which I think is the greatest literary tool ever invented, to make sure the essay conveyed her thoughts.  You can check it out HERE.  Although I’m not working on a special needs essay, I am going to use her methodology to dissect this excerpt from a 1950’s Home Ec textbook.:
The Good Housewife
The following is excerpted from an actual 1950's high school Home Economics textbook:

ADVANCE: How to be a Good Wife

HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious  edible meal--on time at some point in the evening. This is a way to let him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned with his needs Everyone needs to eat and you are going to end up fixing it either way, so you might as well get in the habit of doing it. Most men are hungry when they come home, and having a good meal ready is part of the warm welcome that is needed will make you wife of the year.

PREPARE YOURSELF: Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives because you are exhausted from all your daily “chores”.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting Be sure to share with him all the stories of children pooping in the hallway and tearing out every shoe from every closet so he appreciates his time out, besides,. His boring day may need a lift. Greet him with a smile.

CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip though the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up sighing at all the children's books and toys, papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order the site of a tornado landing, and it will give you lift too.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN: If they are small, wash their hands and faces and comb their hair. They are his little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.Try to find all your children. Attempt to make sure no one has any evidence of your poor parenting skills on their person – aka. left over lunch you didn’t get to wash off, poop still stuck to something, or buggers crusted on their cheeks. 

MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet. I have no words here. NO. WORDS. 

SOME "DO NOT'S": Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. And expect that he won’t greet you that way either.  But do lean on each other … as a sounding board for your struggles and successes.  Count this as a minor problem compared to what he might have gone through that day. He probably had some big crisis he took care of at his big time job… but you gave all 3 children LIFE and kept them safe for another day.  You did ok too. Feel good about those accomplishments.

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have a cool or warm drink ready for him then fix yourself something with a kick. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom help do something while you lie down in the bedroom. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Again, NO. WORDS.  Speak in a low, soothing voice. By expressing yourself in that low “I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t get some help around here voice” you will scare him into doing something. Allow him to relax and unwind.

LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival so make sure you get them all out quickly.  When he is firmly seated in front of Sports Center is not the time. Let him talk first  eventually.

MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he doesn't take you to dinner or to other entertainment.Men forget that you are not a wife from 1950 and like to sit around and wait on their every need. Instead, try to help him understand his your world of strain and pressure and his your need to unwind and relax.

THE GOAL: TO MAKE YOUR HOME A PLACE OF PEACE AND ORDER WHERE YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CONTINUE TO LOVE EACH OTHER.CAN RELAX IN BODY AND SPIRIT.

So…. where is the marriage to be?  1950’s style? Or the more “modern” version of today?  Or somewhere in between?  I will tell you this – I am NO marriage expert.
But, Biblically, it says in Ephesians 5:22 – Wives, submit to your husbands.  Guess what it says in Ephesians 5:28?  Husbands love your wife as you love yourself.  Yeah… it’s not one sided men. 

Have you ever heard the phrase, too many cooks in the kitchen?  Why is it that almost everyone can agree that a time CAN come when there are too many people in the kitchen and nothing runs effectively.  It would be better if there was one person in charge and others working on tasks.  (Uh oh… how many followers have I lost here?)  But, no one wants to admit that there can be too many leaders in the marriage?  (I can see the followers dropping like flies.)

If Ray loves me as he loves himself – then I can submit.  Because I know that he would never do anything to harm himself and would only want the best for himself.  That does not mean that I can’t have an opinion.  Or offer my opinion. Or that we don’t argue… a lot. Or that probably a lot of people would say, “I can’t believe she thinks she submits to him.” Because often when we are out it seems I am in charge. 

Looks can be deceiving.  There can only be one Rooster in the henhouse, one cook in the kitchen.. but it is a two sided equation.  I expect that Ray will love me as he loves himself.  And he can expect me to submit. 

Eventually. (Just kidding!)

So… what do you think?  Should that verse be thrown out completely?  Interpreted differently?  Who’s the BOSS in your family?  Who’s telling me off and moving on to a new blog? It is ok. 

(ps. as I was writing this Ray was plucking my last nerve and I told him I was going to delete everything I said after my re-write of the Good Wife…. so I guess I’m still working on the submission thing.)

Stalking Bees, Peaking Toms, and Dollar Store Adventures

So things haven’t been all “depressing” around these parts.  We’ve been laughing a lot.  About a lot of funny nothings.  And those funny nothings add up to one funny post for the weekend.  Here’s a list of the nothings:
1.  Andrew and Addison are so stinking funny lately.  We’ve been putting an emphasis on reading from their Bible every night and saying a prayer every night.  One day this week, they fell asleep in the car, so we did our Bible story the next morning.  Here’s how our conversation went:
Me:  So, what was that story about?
Andrew: God was mad at Jesus because he wasn’t a good Santa. 
Me: hmmm… I don’t think that was quite the point.
Andrew:  Well, Jesus also loves the little children.
Me: Yes! Let’s sing.  How about Jesus Loves the little children?
Everyone: singing the song…
Addison:  Mommy! Stop Singing! I’m talking to Jesus over here!
Yeah… That’s our religious teaching over here… Just tell Mommy to shut up … and blame it on Jesus or Santa – whomever.

2.  This past week we also celebrated my father’s birthday.  My Dad and step mother came over for dinner and while we were lounging in the back yard we noticed this.

My father, ever the “creative problem solver” came up with several plans to eliminate the hornet’s nest.  They became outrageous that I had to write them down.
Let’s take a bat to it.
Let’s go out at night, take a garbage bag, and just grab it.
Lets do like “Dual Survivor” and use a garbage bag to protect ourselves as we remove it.  (see video)

Let’s use a golf club and “hack” it to death.
Let’s use a Shop Vac and suck them up.
Let’s use a BB Gun to shot it from its perch into a bag
Let’s use a tomahawk to knock it off into a bag
Let’s build a fire pit on top of a picnic table and burn them out.  (oh… the allure of fire… now comes the real fun)
Let’s use a blow torch
Let’s use a trampoline and a blow torch
Let’s use Andrew sitting on Ray’s shoulders and a blow torch
Or… substitute a blow torch for a 2X4 with a Rag soaked in gasoline….
Unfortunately, my dad is unavailable to actually try any of these things… although, he is anxious to see how we make out.

3.  Additionally… Ray and I are sort of toying with the idea of moving again.  Our house was on the market when I was pregnant with Alexander.  We struggled to sell it (doesn’t everyone?) but … it seems an opportunity may have arisen for us to move into a bigger house.  For those of you who are curious:
Our master bedroom is 10.5 X 10.5 square feet. Yup… that’s the master. Trust me, if you were ever going to rob someone – we are not the house to rob.  We could all use  a little more space.  So… this afternoon my partner in crime cousin and I decided to scope out the potential new property.  Some people may call it “Peeping Tom” … we call it “checking out the neighborhood.”  Besides – the house is a brand new construction – thus: empty.  We decided we wanted to go under cover… just in case -

Definitely a great disguise. (Oh… and incognito is the Word of the Day on Sesame Street Today!)

4.  Finally – today is Ray’s Birthday.  The love of my life is turning 35.  Ahhhh… remember – having a birthday is way better than the alternative – not having one.  So, I took my kids to the dollar store to pick out a few gifts for Ray.  (Yes, I got the idea from Kelle Hampton – but I’m not ashamed to admit it!) Here are photos or our awesome shopping trip.


5.  Other miscellaneous – Alexander got a vaccination the other day and it put hi in a grumpy mood.  We were up most of the night. We’ve been up a lot lately. In the middle of the night.  We are going to have to work on this. Anyway, the twins became obsessed with giving shots and giving medicine.  Weirdly proud that they went right for the “mickey button”  area on their doll babies. 
We also finished the Dinosaurs my dad and I were making for the twins.  They are crayon holders and Andrew and Addison love them.  They ask me several times a day to get a coloring book and their dinosaurs out. I honestly thought they would not take the time to put the crayons in, but they are so proud of them… they are very careful.  Awesomeness! To read about my adventures making these dinosaurs, click HERE.



And… tomorrow is the celebration of my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary.  They are renewing their vows. Complete Awesomeness.  I love that it is a big deal… because you know what?  40 years of marriage is a big deal.  That is 40 years of hard work.  And anyone who says marriage is not hard work has never been married, or been married too many times.  People just don’t take those vows “till death do us part” as seriously as they used to.  I love that my mother and father in law can be a great example to us on how to make a marriage work.  And  I can’t wait to celebrate with them… and share a little bit of the love with you.

Crap, I’m Naomi

There are only 2 books in the Bible named after women, Ruth and Esther.  There are less than 200 named women discussed in the Bible.  Much of this is a cultural phenomenon; women weren’t considered equal during biblical times.  So when a woman is mentioned, by name, in the Bible – we should pay attention to the words surrounding her.  There is a reason this woman was held to such a high standard to make it into God’s Word.


The book of Ruth was a favorite of my childhood Sunday School teacher.  We did several Bible studies on that book, but the eyes of a child sees things differently than the eyes of an adult.  As a child, I was a would-be-Ruth.  I would stand beside what was morally correct.  I would walk away from what I knew.  I would support the Naomis in my life.  I would eventually find my Boaz.  Ruth … her strength was what I envisioned myself holding.

Naomi – she was a broken woman.  How could someone give up on life?  Yes, life had dealt her hardships, but she just crumpled.  Naomi was weak.  Naomi was only in the Bible to help accentuate how strong Ruth was.  I would never be Naomi.

15 years later, I became Naomi.  Honestly, Ray became my Ruth. (yes… I know that Ruth is a woman and Ray is a man). But, before we dated, Ray barely went to church.  Our relationship also built his relationship with God.  When the chips crumpled at my feet and I was left with dreams unfilled – Raymond became the strength that held me up.  Ray provided for me when I could not provide for myself.  Raymond did not give up on God.  Raymond made sure we went to church every Sunday, when I could have skipped. 

In the book of Ruth – Chapter 1: 20-21 it says “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them.  “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.  Why call me Naomi?  The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

I will tell you this.  Those words could have come from my mouth.  Last summer, I specifically remember telling people, “Don’t say God has a plan.”  “Don’t tell me everything happens for a reason.”  I was a bitter person and angry at God.  All these dreams of being a strong Ruth were gone, and left in the wake was Naomi.  Raymond did whatever it took to make sure our family survived.  Raymond became a pillar of strength when I could not be.

I’m sharing this post because I’m going to write about that time… the summer of 2010.  As I write about my feelings, emotions, and actions – I really struggled with what to share.  Then I went to bible study.  The topic? Ruth.  I was excited to discuss this book I already knew so much about.  I was excited to offer my insights into Ruth.  Do you know who I had insight into?  Naomi. 

It was as if God was leading my heart to this point.  It is ok to share your story.  Naomi was not just a supporting character in Ruth’s journey.  Many more people can identify with Naomi than with Ruth.  Trust your heart.  Share your modern day reenactment of Naomi’s broken spirit.

So I will.  And I will link it back here so we can remember – God values all feelings: Strength and Weakness.

Tomorrow… the post of my heart.

Not to Judge

It's the third of July and I'm contemplating this idea of freedom.  I'm about to write a post - in the next day or two - about how my life was placed back on track by a very unconventional method... and I realize after that post, many people may change their opinion of me.  I may lose followers.  I realize after this post, many people may change their opinion of me.  I may lose followers.  I'm ok with that. 

I believe in God and pray for my family and others regularly.  I read the Bible and found these passages very inspiring this morning.  Galatians 5:1 " It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery"   Galatians 5:13-15  "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. ¹⁴ For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁵ If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." 

There are many people who read passages in the Bible and use passages to hold high moral standards. *sigh* (here is where it get complicated). I think that many people are turned off by "religion" because of the rigidity of some believers.  I believe many people stray from the Word because they feel judged for their actions.  I believe too many people see the world in black and white.  I see many many shades of grey.  That is why this passage was important to me.  It talks about freedom in Christ.  But, I believe it also speaks to the shades of grey.   
 
For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."  

Now is the time to lay it all out.  I believe, the Bible is a living, breathing document.  I believe the only person who truly knows what God was saying is God. (Well... and Jesus.)  I believe people have interpreted the Bible incorrectly. (example - in cases of oppression.)  I believe that God should do the judging and I should do the loving.  That doesn't mean that I'm never bothered or angered by behavior... because sometimes I am. BUT.... I really do try not to judge.  I believe God will do that when we all die.

I believe its what's on  the inside that counts.  The rest is just not for me to judge.  There are things that I do that others may not approve of.  I watch rated R movies.  Sometimes I swear.  Sometimes my sense of humor is "inappropriate."  ... and this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I guess that I wish people would not judge when I write my next post.  That people would see that listening to rap music or spanking your child, or drinking, or swearing,  or whatever... is not the end of my morality.  That it doesn't mean I've abandoned my values.  And I try to live my life in the same way.  I know there are a lot of controversial topics out there.  People are throwing around religion, God, and the words of the Bible to reinforce their moral high grounds.  What if we just left the judging to God and the loving to us? 

The Best Mother's Day Ever.

Yesterday was the best mother's day ever.  I woke up happy.  Truly happy.  My best friend (in her pregnant glory) was sleeping on the couch, the twins were chattering away, and my sweet baby was a year old.
 
We woke and got ready for church.  Yesterday was my "presentation" for our church.  I'm in the middle of editing the video of it - so hopefully I can get it up later today.

During the service - I looked out.  My childhood friends were in the pews.  My childhood "second mother" who babysat me and instilled great values in me sat in a back pew.  The "second mother" to my children - their own babysitter sat with her family in a pew toward the front.  Our friends and family were there to support us.  We are beyond blessed by the amount of support we receive.

But a mini miracle happened last night.  I wish I had my camera with me to capture this moment... but I didn't.  I wish I had a video camera to show everyone what Alexander did... but I didn't.

Instead I have this silly photo.

Yes, you are looking at the picture of a banana.  Because the part of the banana that is missing Alexander ate.  ATE. not mashed up. I cut it into quarters by length.  And he ATE EACH PIECE.  He chewed the pieces up and swallowed them.  What a wonderful end to a beautiful day.

I had one more surprise when I went to go back to bed.  On my pillow Ray had placed this essay.  I like this one a million times better than the Welcome to Holland essay.  Not only was it a beautiful essay to read on Mother's Day ~ it was such a kind gesture from my husband.  Sometimes I think it is easy for us to feel overlooked. (Isn't that what Mother's day is really all about anyway?)

 

It was the perfect gift for Mother's day... Acknowledgement. 

 Here is a copy of the essay:

The Special Mother

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."



Confessions of a Crying Mum

When I was a child, I grew up right down the street from my cousin.  She is my polar opposite. She cried all the time.  She cried before a sad movie even started.  She cried at funerals, and weddings, and baptisms, and baby showers, and bridal showers.  I used to make fun of her.  I called her water works and a bleeding heart.

She called me stone cold.  She said I didn't have a heart.  Even at the end of the movie Beaches ... no tears. These things were made up.  Funerals - almost no tears - death is part of life.  It was a rare time that I allowed my guard to be down enough to cry.

I should have known things were changing when I was pregnant.  I cried several times (you know... those big ugly tears) - but I always attributed it to hormones.  Plus, as a classic over achiever, I want to do my best!  And finally - as a good person, I hate to disappoint people..... 

But now things are different.  I cry all the time.  At the drop of a hat.  I want to cry just posting that statement.

Life now is ... full.  Yes, it is full of blessings. But it is also full of fears.  Full of worries.  Full of emotions.

Every night - this is the last thing I see before bed, the thing I look at in the middle of the night, and the first thing I see when I wake up.

My Precious Baby... Sleeping.  Some nights I sleep holding

the monitor. Because I want to hold him... and I can't

What I usually post about are funny times - like this morning when Addison decided she needed to wear my headband.  Not only that, but then she actually came out to me and mocked me because she had my headband!

I was originally wearing the "purple headband with bubbles" ... but Addison decided she wanted to wear it.  Then - she said, "Mommy, you no wear bubble headband. I wear bubble headband.  You no wear headband. I wear headband."  Little Turkey!

I show you pictures of the kids doing funny things... Like reading books. They are so funny now. They like to come home and "do their homework."  They sometimes crawl up into our bed and read books.

 I Love to show pictures of my kids hanging out with Ray.  It melts my heart. 

I am also the super proud mom - who likes to show pictures of her kids doing awesome things. 

Alexander mastering the z-vibe by himself!

 Alexander with his big boy shades.....

But... there are a lot more moments like this... where tenderness rules my world.

And now I'm a "tender" person.  I cry more than I should. I cry a lot.  And it is not even sad tears!

Sometimes I cry out of frustration ~ when people make "big things" out of things I think are insignificant.

Sometimes I do cry out of sadness ~ when I see injustices and I can't do anything about them.

Sometimes I cry from worry ~ that I'm letting someone down. That I'm not doing a good enough job at all my jobs. That I'm just not... good enough.

Sometimes I cry when I feel overwhelmed ~ do I really need to explain that?

Sometimes I cry when I'm happy ~ There is so much good in the world. 

Sometimes I cry when I'm embarrassed ~ that my family is suddenly so needy.  Or that my family has to accept so many things.

Mostly I just feel overwhelmed with emotions right now.  Tomorrow my baby turns 1.  We are running several fundraisers.  We are praising the victory of this past year.  We are preparing for a message of Hope and Love on Sunday.  I am remembering.... this past year - the pain and the joys. And - I don't want to forget the pain because it was part of us.  It showed us how to appreciate the joys.  When I think about my baby, I am overwhelmed with feelings.  Like the cup that is filled to the brim.  One small drop in the emotional bucket, and the waves ripple my tears down the side. 

Please don't mistake tears for sadness... Tears are for many emotions. 

And right now.... the tears are ok.... because it just reminds everyone that my heart is full. 

A Wonderful Week to countdown!

Only 8 days until a Miracle Happens. 

Alexander turns 1. 

It is hard to believe that last year Raymond and I were told to "let Alexander pass peacefully."

 

We did not.

We were told this day would not happen.... and here it is - almost. 

Here's a glimpse of his birthday announcement.  (No offense - but - I blacked out the address for privacy reasons.)

Thank you Kimmie for the Awesome touches on the Announcement!

Then... On Mother's Day (the following day) ~ Alexander and I are claiming the day back.

My church has offered us the opportunity to discuss openly how our lives have changed since Alexander's birth and the many blessings he has brought.  I will also be intertwining this message with heartfelt stories and specific ways God has molded people according to his plan.

If you are a local person and would like to attend my church - please send us a message and I can give you the address and times. (We have 2 services)

Again.. I'm not going to post it publicly only to have some sense of anonymity.  BUT - ALL are welcome.  Please... If you live in our area, feel welcomed to come to our church on Sunday, May 8.

Last Mother's day I received crushing news by doctors who gave up on a miracle before he had a chance to live.

This Mother's day we will celebrate the life of that miracle and make a

New ~ More Powerful Memory

Everyone is welcome to help us celebrate this milestone!

We would not have made it without all the support and prayers.

Because of Easter

I'm not afraid of death. I'm thankful for every day I have here. I'm blessed with beautiful children and an amazing husband.  I do not have to make those figurative and literal sacrifices.  I am alive and will forever be alive.

I guess this Easter is a little special to me.  I started to write this about my faith, then - I started to think about Heaven.  I don't often think about it because - the truth is.... it is an unanswerable question.  What does Heaven look like?  What will Heaven be like?  I don't know.  I know that many people are spiritual, but not religious. Or that people have different religions than I do, but the truth is - faith is a powerful thing.  My faith tells me that Jesus was the son of God.  My faith tells me that Jesus died a divine death - for me.  My faith tells me that death is not an end, but a beginning because of his suffering for my sins.  My faith tells me that even though I am not perfect - I will go to Heaven because I have this faith.

This is not to say that my faith has never wavered. It has.  As recently as this past year, I have wrestled with God's plan for my family.  God's will for us.  Why God would make my child suffer?  I can say that those feelings have passed and happiness fills my heart.

This year, my children will come out tomorrow morning and open Easter baskets that look like this:

But this is not the meaning of Easter.

Today we have spent the day coloring eggs and spending time with our family... But that is not the meaning of Easter.

In my heart, I've always known the real meaning of Easter. The celebration of God's resurrection and our life eternal.  But.... last night I put my sweet baby down for bed.  He was so precious, my heart melted as I looked at him.  I couldn't help but go grab my camera to take a picture and pray that I captured my love for him in this picture.

Sweet.  Innocent.  Beautiful.  Because of Easter, we will all rejoice in Heaven.  Alexander will run and play.  Alexander will tell me all that is on his mind.  Alexander will eat chicken and pizza and ice cream.  I do not believe 4P- exists in Heaven.

Don't you see, I have the best of both worlds?  This innocent boy that God gave us to bless us here on Earth, and his healed body that we can all see in Heaven.  Because of Easter. 

Jesus, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  Your suffering means that my son's suffering will not be eternal. Because of Easter...